campus art
Image: Warwick Media Library

Rolf the Campus Cat to replace Stuart Croft as vice-chancellor

Rolf the Campus cat is expected to take the place of vice-chancellor Stuart Croft at the end of this academic year, an investigation by The Boar has found.

Our favourite furry friend faced a challenging few months after having his famous twitter account hacked, and longing for his adoring fans on campus, but has bounced back after the announcement.

Among his promises for vice-chancellorship, Rolf has vowed to implement Pop! every day of the week in the next academic year. Forget Disco Dave’s livestreams…get ready for endless circles, spending your student loan on pints of purple or your favourite non-alcoholic alternative, and a thousand pitchers of ‘Eliminator’ at Kelsey’s!

Rolf has also assured students that ‘The Koan’ will be moved back onto central campus from Gibbet Hill, so that any students who wish to pay their respects to the revered relic may do so without sacrificing themselves to the harsh Midlands weather during their pilgrimage.

This is just one section of Rolf’s campaigns to revolutionise the exquisite artwork on the university campus. The somewhat infamous dinosaurs nearby the Sports Hub are also expected to be moved, with some rumours that they will make an appearance in the Oculus.

By far the most innovative and original pledge, Rolf’s flagship proposal is a Grand Boxing Tournament between the geese and the ducks on the University campus  

Rolf has pledged that he will lobby for 29 October, National Cat Day, to become a national holiday. He hinted that for Warwick students this could mean a six-week vacation and a foam party in the Copper Rooms. There is no word yet from Stuart ‘one-hell-of-a-party’ Croft as to whether this could overshadow his endeavour to throw the “event of the century” before the end of his tenure as vice-chancellor. But rest assured, The Boar will certainly look into this.

By far the most innovative and original pledge, Rolf’s flagship proposal is a Grand Boxing Tournament between the geese and the ducks on the University campus. Amongst several debates between students this year, the most bitter and adversarial debate was fought over whether the renowned campus pub ‘The Dirty Duck’ was to be renamed ‘The Dirty Goose’.

However, Rolf proposed that the most democratic solution to this problem would be for the Grand Boxing Tournament to establish which species of waterfowl should emerge our victorious namesake.

After an unexpected year of online tuition and the University of Warwick reaching the University Challenge finals, we have certainly come to expect the unexpected. Rolf the Campus Cat becoming vice-chancellor is no exception.

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