Image: Nintendo EPD, IGDB

Keeping your GamerScore up whilst it’s hot

In case you hadn’t noticed, it is hot.  Not the normal British summer hot where we get a week of sun and the temperatures hit the mid to high 20s, but weeks of constant burning sun and temperatures over 30.  If you’ve been too hot just imagine how your poor gaming PCs and consoles feel.  They must watch while you sit there in your underwear, sweating away despite barely moving, all the while their fans are desperately trying to circulate cool air only to find, there is no cool air.  It doesn’t exist anymore.

There are some benefits to this sweltering heat.  We no longer have to feel bad for staying inside and gaming instead of going out and socialising.  No one wants to socialise anymore.  All the fruity cider has been drunk, all the grass is dry and brittle and all the swimming pools have dried up.  There is no more fun in the sun to be had.  Instead, we can close the blinds and hide in the shade.  Unfortunately, TVs, PCs and consoles also pump out a lot of heat so, what’s the best way to deal with feeling like you’re going to melt all the time?

Everyone already imagines us in our underwear being lit by nothing but the glow of a screen

The simplest thing to do is wear fewer clothes.  Everyone already imagines us in our underwear being lit by nothing but the glow of a screen and now it’s acceptable to look exactly like that.  We can also take inspiration from our machines and use fans to cool us.  Normally one fan somewhere close by would do but in this heat, you need at least 3 placed strategically for maximum cooling.  Try putting bowls of ice in front of them to simulate the icy breeze of the winters we once had.  Winter is no longer coming…

A damp towel around your neck will also help as a lot of blood flows close to the surface of the skin there and so you’ll end up reducing your overall body temperature quite efficiently.  Or if you live alone or your room has a lock then just have a cold shower and air dry naked in front of the fans, that’ll stave off heatstroke for at least half an hour.

They can’t complain about the heat with words, their only method of communication is the angry whir of their poor, tired fans

Now that you’re no longer sweating simply for existing turn your thoughts to your poor gaming systems.  They can’t complain about the heat with words, their only method of communication is the angry whir of their poor, tired fans.  Make sure there is space by the air vents so that the hot air actually gets circulated away from the console and ideally raise your systems a bit.  Placing them on a laptop stand or even an oven shelf in a pinch will allow more air circulation and should aid cooling.  If that still isn’t working try a water coolant system.  By that I mean just put your system in a washing up bowl full of water.  It’s so hot that the system will be protected by the Leidenfrost Effect and the water will instantly evaporate and won’t actually damage the circuits.

If the heat does get to your system and its innards run molten through your room try roasting marshmallows above the stream of liquid metal because, well, even in this heat who doesn’t like roasted marshmallows?

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