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Man-eating plant takes over campus

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In the first week of the month of April, the human race encountered a deadly threat to its very existence. And this terrifying enemy surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places…Warwick University.

A man-eating plant has taken over campus

The unsuspecting few who remained at Warwick have been thrown into a world of chaos by a man-eating plant which has taken over campus, going by the name of Audrey II. Sources say that the plant began to germinate in the Warwick Arts Centre studio and proceeded to grow all over campus. Some say it has even branched out to the distant land of Westwood. It has been identified as over 10 feet tall, resembling a Venus flytrap. This deep-voiced plant appears to be pining for people, singing ‘Feed me’ and using its leafy vines as weapons. The Koan, Warwick Uni’s most famous landmark, is now unrecognisable as it has been completely engulfed by the vegetation.

The unsuspecting few who remained at Warwick have been thrown into a world of chaos by a man-eating plant which has taken over campus, going by the name of Audrey II

Seymour Krelborn, the geeky and bespectacled floor-sweep of Mushnik’s Skid Row Florists and creator of Audrey II, bought the plant from a Chinese flower shop for just ‘a dollar 95’. The young botanist studies in Gibbet Hill and it is common knowledge that anything can happen in those labs. Seymour says he named Audrey II after his colleague and friend Audrey who was unavailable due to her being ‘Somewhere that’s Green’.

While the plant is yet to have killed anyone innocent, it has been seen smacking its large lips demolishing the body of the sadistic dentist, Orin Scivello, Audrey’s former leather-loving biker boyfriend. Reports say that Audrey II craves more food that ‘must be blood’ and ‘must be fresh’.

The Koan, Warwick Uni’s most famous landmark, is now unrecognisable as it has been completely engulfed by the vegetation

This ferocious attack may leaf us wondering, where has this plant come from? The genius who has developed a new breed of plant-life, hitherto unknown on this planet states that he feeds it ‘nothing special’. ‘It’s a secret formula’ says Seymour, who has many mysterious cuts and plasters on his fingers. We are led to believe that this ‘formula’ may not be your average plant food, but something far more sinister. An innocent student is known to have been seen running from The Dirty Duck, screaming ‘It’s a mean-green-mother from out of space.’

Despite this state of plant pandemonium, there is still hope amongst the students. A trio of sassy singers, named Crystal, Chiffon and Ronnette have been sighted in the Arts Centre serenading the frightened students about this ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ where the plant is said to have originated. However, do not let your guard down, because we could ‘Suddenly Seymour’ of Audrey II. Earlier today the police released a statement and have warned ‘Don’t feed the plants’ and advice that ‘Everybody better beware!’.

Musical Theatre Warwick’s production of ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ is on at the Warwick Arts Centre Studio from 10th-13th May. For tickets visit warwickartscentre.co.uk or call the box office on 024 7652 4524.

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