Cultural Collision

Most of the time I am not conscious of being in an interracial relationship. People don’t regularly make jokes about how hot my mixed race babies could be, or stereotype my boyfriend or me by the distinct cultures we are from. I think this is because we share similar outlooks and have grown up in similar environments. What sets us apart, however, is the different upbringing of my parents and wider family.

I’m Asian, but have grown up in the UK as my family moved here when I was just a baby. My community back home is one of the most conservative, even in our country. Dating plays no role in our culture. Marriage is the only romantic choice my parents expected to have and as such, they struggle to understand why dating is anything but unnecessarily complicated and distracting for young people today. The possibility of your kid going through a breakup during school or having sex before marriage is difficult for the average parent from my culture to come to terms with.

I have met my boyfriend’s parents, their grandparents, and even their dogs, but they have never had the chance to meet mine…

Raising me in a different cultural climate alongside the generation gap twice removes them from understanding why I make the choices I do as a UK millennial. We don’t really talk about dating and relationships in my household, so I have found that the easiest way to avoid conflict and have the best of both worlds is to not involve my parents in my dating life.

I have dated people of different racial and cultural identities and also people from backgrounds very similar to mine, but never told my parents about any of it. I have met my boyfriends’ parents, their grandparents, and even their dogs, but they have never had the chance to meet mine.

I’m asked why I would choose to conform to norms I don’t agree with at all?

They have all accepted the situation, whether they understood it or not. However, I have encountered problems when I’ve tried to explain why my parents think the way they do and why I pretend to abide by cultural norms that I don’t agree with.

I’m asked why I would choose to conform to norms I don’t agree with at all? If I think dating a few people is a good way to find someone I want to be with long term, why should I act like I believe otherwise when I’m with my wider family? Often I abide by cultural norms not because I agree with them but just because it is easier than not.

Boyfriends I’ve had from different cultural backgrounds have not had to deal with a similar cultural pressure…

I could make a stand every single time I disagreed with something on principle, but sometimes just going along with it comes at little cost to me and it keeps people I care about happy so I do it anyway.

I pick my battles with regards to cultural beliefs, and that’s how it’s always been. Boyfriends I’ve had from different cultural backgrounds have not had to deal with a similar cultural pressure.

Not that generational gaps don’t cause problems for everyone regardless of their cultural background, but I definitely feel that coming from a conservative Asian family has made it harder for me to reconcile my beliefs with theirs. And it is for that reason that I have chosen to keep my current relationship a secret from them.