I started university a virgin. My summer leading up to Freshers was a mad desperate attempt to screw any boy who’d let me, but sadly desperation is not attractive and to my dismay I was pure and virginal as I turned up to halls on my first day.
I always saw sex as a huge part of university life, so as a virgin I thought I might feel overwhelmed and excluded. It can feel like having sex is a club that you haven’t quite made your way into.
For anyone reading this who is in the situation I was in, I have a few words of advice…
When I confessed to my new friends, I expected to be mocked and embarrassed. Instead, they all just nodded, smiled and continued the conversation. Their main concern was if I wanted to lose it or not, whether they should wingman me or pull me away from creeps in the club. I came to the rather underwhelming realisation that no one really cares about my sex life.
Despite this realisation, I wish I’d been a little more prepared for being a virgin Fresher before I started Warwick. I know there is a large amount of anxiety about arriving at university a virgin; so for anyone reading this who is in the situation I was in, I have a few words of advice.
I just found him attractive and thought he was a safe pair of hands…
You are allowed to lie. If you feel uncomfortable disclosing anything about your sex life then you are perfectly entitled to lie. Sometimes it’s the easiest option because standing up and walking out of pre-drinks every time your friends want to play Never Have I Ever really isn’t the most subtle option.
If you want to lose your virginity, then do so. I wanted to and I did. I lost it on a random hook up with a guy I only knew from nights out. I didn’t love him, I didn’t even know him. I just found him attractive and thought he was a ‘safe pair of hands’.
I’d reached a point where I fully understood how meaningless the concept of virginity was…
The sex was okay, not the best I’ve ever had but I had no frame of reference so to me it was great. It got rid of the ‘virgin’ title that I’d been parading around for the past 18 years. Plus it opened the door to a whole world of sexual encounters that I could now participate in.
I don’t regret losing it to him at all, and I don’t regret waiting until university to lose it either because I knew I was 100% ready to do so. I’d reached a point where I fully understood how meaningless the concept of virginity was.
There are some people who would feel ashamed to have lost their virginity the way I did, and that’s okay…
My random hookup also gave me a new confidence that allowed me to approach my current boyfriend; I felt secure in my body and more certain in my attitude to relationships. I felt more attractive too; for me I always felt that I was a virgin because no one wanted to have sex with me, that I was repulsive in a sense. So losing my virginity four weeks into first year was one of my best decisions, something I would never change.
However, if you do want to wait then do so. There are some people who would feel ashamed to have lost their virginity the way I did, and that’s okay. Virginity may be a social construct but if you still feel it holds value to you it’s probably better to hold out for someone you trust.
To all the virgins out there, don’t let anyone make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable because you haven’t had sex…
To all the virgins out there, don’t let anyone make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable because you haven’t had sex; it really isn’t that life-changing an experience, I assure you. Just remember to be prepared: having condoms ready will ensure that the first mediocre five minutes of your life won’t ruin your future forever.