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You give a kick, I give a Smack

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Freshers has taught us nothing. We are currently lying in bed feeling a little worse for wear, which is nothing new to us, since hangovers became a part of every- day life during Freshers Fortnight. Since it’s that time of year again, we feel it is important to impart a nugget of knowledge upon the new batch of freshers. Although the first fortnight will be spent in the Copper Rooms, soon you will spread your wings as you long for a new varied nightlife. A question that has been debated since the dawn of time… Which is better: Smack, Neon or Kasbah? There’s only one way to find out… Make an efficient list of pros and cons to reach a logical conclusion, of course.

Neon

First things first, Neon. To be honest, it’s pretty difficult to form a list of pros and cons, as it is a pretty generic club; big room, overpriced drinks, forgettable music, students.

Pros: As a girl, getting dressed up can be a bit of a faf. But at the end of the day it’s nice to make an effort now and then, and at Neon it feels socially acceptable to get a bit more dolled up (nights out in con- verse can get a bit repetitive). This is especially good as Neon actually manages to get some half-decent guests. This year Scott Mills rolled up which was pretty exciting, until alcohol kicked in and we forgot he was the one DJing. However, we heard it was a good night.
Cons: In the alcohol haze, there are a few too many flights of stairs for our liking and a member of the group always ends up going walkabout. Maybe it’s because we have no sense of direction, but the layout seems different each time we go.

Verdict: 4 out of 5. Everybody has experienced a nightclub like Neon. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as it provides a consistently good night out, but with fewer stories to tell. A reliable choice.
Smack

Onto Neon’s slightly abusive and estranged brother, Smack is the other popular choice for Leamington dwellers. Few will have experienced a club quite like it.

Pros: Entering Smack, you’re ironically greeted by rather trippy Neon lights. Our personal favourite thing about the club are the platforms are scattered throughout. To the hyper dancing Smack drunk, these provide the perfect stage to showcase your new found talent of twerking. Without a doubt, you’ll feel like Beyoncé, surrounded by adoring and applauding fans. Whether this is actually the case we’re not sure…

Cons: Saying this, not everybody appreciates your freedom of boogie-woogie expression. The bouncers are your worst enemy and point a finger of accusation. Why? We don’t know. If you ask us, telling a drunk person not to climb and dance on a platform is like telling a cow not to moo. It’s inevitable, not to mention unnatural. The tyrannical bouncers in the queue are no exception and show no mercy when you’re bursting for a wee. However, the most harrowing aspect of Warwick nightlife is the dark, damp, smelly room downstairs. As gangster music blasts throughout the Underworld, you realise that there’s only so long you can pretend to know the lyrics to every rap verse. Dancing becomes repetitive as most people only have one move for this particular genre which resembles a chicken laying an egg. Remember, you’re probably a middle-class Warwick student who certainly did not grow up in the ghetto so please stop pretending that you did.

Verdict: 3 out of 5. Never have we ever wanted to return to a nightclub where sweat streams down the walls, so they must be doing something right.

Kasbah

Finally, last but certainly not least – Coventry’s finest Kasbah.

Pros: Every Friday night, bear witness to great music and a smoker’s area which tops fine dining with amazing burgers. History and Politics student Fraser Bernstein is not the biggest fan of nights out. However, he vows to tell his grandchildren about the night that the halls of Kasbah echoed with the sound of ‘Let It Go’ from Frozen: “I was overcome with a sense of pure gratitude as my frozen heart melted away in the face of pure ecstasy of sunshine and rainbows.” This is a statement you can’t argue with. To leave Kasbah without facepaint is for a Humanities student to leave university with a job. Embrace your inner child as you collapse on a cushion and let a stranger doodle on your face.

Cons: Shinpads are required as the fresher must embark on the slippy slidey Kasbah dancefloor/ice rink. Then again, who doesn’t enjoy a bit of evening ice-skating? If anything, it makes your dance moves a bit unique. However, beware of the shady locals that are the Coventry students. Nevertheless, you social
scientists will enjoy observing how the other half live.

Verdict: Not even the venture out into Coventry can put a downer on a nightout at the notorious Kasbah. Drum roll please… A shimmery, shining well-deserved 5 out of 5. Hip hip hooray! Queue the trumpets. There had to be something good about Coventry.

In conclusion, you probably won’t experience these clubs until week 3 when the metallic luster of the Copper Rooms wears dull. However, be sure to make the most out of the pure madness of Pop!, as there’s truly nowhere else on earth quite like it. The same goes for our champion Kasbah, as we face the cold hard truth that as second-years we can’t venture there as easily as we once could. Besides, £1 jaegerbombs, need we say more?

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