Surviving reverse homesickness

Every time I pack my bags to return to Warwick, I get the exact same feeling. The feeling that my internal compass is completely fried. They call it the reverse homesickness. It’s that heavy, restless emotional drop that hits you the moment you step off the plane and realise you are a different person in a familiar place.

I am Spanish, I spent four years building a life in Germany to then move back to Spain and now I study in the UK. People talk about this feeling like it’s a temporary blues you get after a holiday, but for those of us whose lives aren’t neatly contained in a single hometown, it is an intense, permanent identity crisis. Every time I land back in England, I’m not just arriving; I am actively leaving another version of home behind. And so, it becomes a moving target. 

Once the tears dry, we have to figure out how to fit a bigger version of ourselves back into our daily routines

When you return from a place, even if there are no papers, family, or laws that link you to it, your experiences and the paths you have walked are what make you a part of it. Perhaps you never fully recover from that hangover because the experiences changed you, shaping your current identity. It sticks. But we experience change every single day: we grow up, we navigate friendships, and we choose our path with every action we make.

So, how do we cope when our identity is split across borders? Honestly, crying a lot is a valid start. The feeling, that no matter where you go, part of you belongs somewhere else, is hard to deal with. But once the tears dry, we have to figure out how to fit a bigger version of ourselves back into our daily routines.

But living somewhere else changes you whether you like it or not; you return eating differently, thinking differently, and even dressing differently

First, we have to learn to embrace the cultural mashup. When you move abroad and find yourself surrounded by locals, you instinctively hold onto your heritage out of fear. You compare and contrast the new place and your home, looking for people from your country, or searching the supermarket shelves for food you recognise, just to feel grounded. But living somewhere else changes you whether you like it or not; you return eating differently, thinking differently, and even dressing differently. Suddenly, you look around and think, this is not my place anymore.

The trick is to do, out of open-mindedness, what you originally did out of fear. Compare and contrast but use it to embrace the good things from every chapter of your life. For example, I’ve picked up the classic British habit of constantly saying “please”, “thank you”, and “sorry”. It’s a part of me now, so much so that I do it back in Spain, even if people look at me a bit strangely. Don’t lose these new habits. Keep cooking the meals you learned, speak the languages, and continue with new hobbies you started.

Remind yourself of your own strength: you have managed to move countries alone, navigate entirely foreign environments, learn new languages and cultures, and survive

Second, you have to accept that time hasn’t paused while you were away. This happens to me every single time I go back home. You can’t expect everything to just go back to how it was a year ago. Maybe your childhood friend has a new routine and won’t go out with you as much anymore, or your sister has completely taken over your old bedroom. Instead of mourning the past, adapt to the new situation. If you have to negotiate space with your sister or meet your friend every two weeks instead of every day, embrace it. Remind yourself of your own strength: you have managed to move countries alone, navigate entirely foreign environments, learn new languages and cultures, and survive. Adjusting to a shifting social circle at university or back home is easy compared to that.

Finally, talk to people who get it. The feeling of emptiness you get when you return is hard to explain to someone who has never left their hometown. It feels like your experiences have made you “bigger” to the point where you don’t fit into the old boxes you used to be in. It can make you feel insecure, causing you to overthink or panic about who you are supposed to be. Sharing that weight with someone who has been through the exact same thing is incredibly empowering. It reminds you that you aren’t crazy, and it gives you the confidence to incorporate your new global habits without worrying about what other people will say.

You don’t have to force yourself to be the exact same person you were before you boarded your first flight. Embrace the new you, even if it feels strange, sad, and a little bit scary at first. You survived the airports, you survived the moves, and you will survive the hangover.