The Celebrity Traitors: The crazier the better

Is The Celebrity Traitors just the classic playground game, Mafia, made 100 times more dramatic? Yes. But that’s exactly what makes it the perfect show to gather your flat, make a round of tea, and stir your own strategies and predictions, all accompanied by bellyfuls of laughter.

With what I would deem the ultimate celebrity lineup, they have really started with a bang, blending new faces with old favourites to create a show that any British person would appreciate no matter how far under a rock they live when it comes to pop culture. I mean, if nothing else, who doesn’t know who the legendary Stephen Fry is?

Now, I will say, the sheer craziness of the show does require you to completely suspend any expectations of realism and lean into the ludicrousness. From Jonathon Ross’ arguably questionable jacket choices, to Paloma Faith being one shovelful of soil away from being buried alive, to Claudia Winkleman entering on a horse for no reason whatsoever, there are really no holds barred. But it’s all tied together with how seriously every single competitor treats the show. Seeing them genuinely heartbroken when someone gets ‘murdered’ – you’d sometimes think there was an actual death – and so comprehensively plotting and processing who the Traitors could be, only makes you more invested in what you would do in their position.

The Faithfuls seem to care so much more about subliminal signs than actual actions

So, what have the most interesting strategies been so far? I have to hand it to the Traitors; they have done incredibly well to not even come under the radar until four episodes in. But when they did, Jonathan Ross found himself right in the firing line. How his double-triple-double bluff actually worked is truly beyond me, but I guess it all comes back to the whole show being predicated on major overthinking from every single person. Maybe except Alan Carr, who seems to be able to get away with basically announcing he’s about to kill someone and still nobody bats an eye because he’s just that lovable.

Despite how much the Faithfuls overthink everyone and everything, it still shocks me how nobody considered that Alan Carr would be one of the best choices for a Traitor, because it makes for such incredible TV – and he’s absolutely living up to that. The closest we got to that line of thinking was the latest conversation between Joe Marler and Joe Wilkinson, where they proposed that Claudia would create the ultimate head-to-head as Stephen Fry spearheads the Faithfuls against Jonathan Ross and his Traitor team.

Tensions are on the rise within the Traitors too

But even with that perfectly figured out, the Faithfuls still haven’t managed to evict a Traitor. In the words of Stephen Fry himself, they’re “useless”. With Mark Bonnar spearheading the Tameka smear campaign and Tom Daley’s iconic eye roll at the mere mention of Kate Garraway’s overreactions, the Faithfuls seem to care so much more about subliminal signs than actual actions. With both Jonathan and Alan being close to putting their feet in their mouths numerous times, the Faithfuls have definitely been busier turning on each other to notice so far. Cat Burns, on the other hand, is perfectly harnessing her position as the younger, quieter, lesser-known Traitor, greatly to her benefit.

Yet tensions are on the rise within the Traitors too. Cat and Alan have made it clear that they will throw Jonathan under the bus if they need to, and I have no doubt about the duo’s closeness, especially based on their recent slew of hilariously brilliant TikToks together. Ultimately, even being a Traitor is every man for himself, so we could be in for a season of deliciously dramatic betrayals. Given Alan murdering his best friend and having seemingly little remorse – cunning glee if anything – I would hedge that nothing is off the cards for upcoming episodes.

We’re in for quite a ride over the next couple of weeks 

The only elephant in the room has to be how much of a bias the contestants have towards people they actually know. With Niko Omilana getting voted out largely just because his prankster reputation preceded him, and Tameka Empson subsequently getting voted out on what could arguably be purely her ‘vibes’, it does seem that the celebrities are more naturally siding with the people they know. Having said that, I have to admit Tameka’s defence of herself at the Round Table left much to be desired and honestly almost convinced me she was a secret Traitor with how shifty and defensive she was being.

Considering the number of cracking one-liners, crazy shenanigans, and trialling tasks we have seen so far, I think we’re in for quite a ride over the next couple of weeks. For anyone who hasn’t jumped on the train, bring your housemates together and binge the episodes out so far. Trust me, you’ll forget all about the increasing stresses of university as you’re just dying to see what the inimitable Alan Carr is going to do next. The Celebrity Traitors is the most over-the-top thing you will see, in the best possible way.