Funeral song: the reasons why music is always there while under mounting feelings of grief and sadness in our lives

Every funeral I have attended has been accompanied often, as we see now, by uplifting music that reflects a person’s life. Once, music played at funerals was often a hallmark of tradition and had more or less fallen on the responsibility of religion, as is the institution. Religion had, for a while anyway, carried the burden of selecting songs in death. Now, however, without the stigma of religion involving funerals and times of sorrow and mourning, we look instead to present pieces representing the person’s interests in their life. Moreover, we attempt to preserve their memory in an all-encompassing way.

Sometimes music, for me, can be a distraction from your sorrows and deprivation.

Some of the most popular songs at funerals contain an interconnected string of words often pertaining to happiness, taking things in your stride and living life to your own desire. One of the most increasingly popular is, of course, ‘My Way’ by Frank Sinatra, which has been estimated to have been played at over 9,500 funerals over the past year. Rather not a sad and sorrowful song but a powerful homage to the fact of life and the trials and tribulations one must face. Many across all generations clearly feel some connection to these themes when choosing the song.

Funeral songs are also often thoughtfully picked out with loved ones in mind, and this is something everyone choosing a song will be aware of. Therefore these songs contain some reference to love and seeing one another again on a new plain. Although sometimes less spiritually in mind, held deep in the clouded memories never forgotten by the family of those grieving the loss of someone so dear. This is encompassed in songs such as ‘See You Again’, composed by Wiz Khalifa. Moreover, ‘Lay Me Down’ by Sam Smith is another increasingly popular choice of those referencing themes of physical touch, love and the memory of being in love. The thoughts of missing those you leave behind in death and knowing they will reciprocate this is a touching sentiment and constructs a most poignant send-off.  

The psychology behind the act of listening to sad music and its connections to grief is that when a song contains a sorrowful theme, it stimulates the production of dopamine and this translates to feelings of pleasure.

Sometimes music, for me, can be a distraction from your sorrows and deprivation. In the case of breakups, it can be something that can uplift you out of this mood. Though this is truthfully fruitful, you often don’t want such sounds of joy and happiness almost mocking you. In fact, you may feel as if this turmoil should be represented in all that you see, hear and think. If you are constantly becoming plagued by this burning feeling of grief, then it is no surprise that your head will be turned and attracted to such songs that emanate this. It allows us to accept these emotions and come to terms with them rather than bottling them up and forgetting about them.

Music… allows you to air out those feelings of anger and resentment.

It seems almost impossible that musicians writing about the sadness love can bring can help us deal with our own troubles. For example, Taylor Swift allows those that look up to her and fantasise about her music to feel a sense of connection in the experiences they have become enveloped. Those experiences they often may feel overburdened and overwhelmed by. And to think that someone you admire has undergone similar experiences and been in similar circumstances of sorrow makes you feel slightly more normal. Moreover, you feel at ease that you can relate to another and hear their experiences as if you are speaking to them. Without having to exert the need to thoughtfully move your mouth and allow the motor in your head to listen to them when in honesty, you might be too burdened and upset to speak to other people as well as embarrassed to talk to others about a situation that you are navigating in your personal life.

Sometimes music can take you out of a situation and allows you to air out those feelings of anger and resentment. Even in those small moments, music can be there to comfort us, and we can and do utilise music in so many ways to cope with emotions, which is what music does evidently. It touches our souls and affects listeners in a profound way that remains unaffiliated like a faint mist enveloping the shoulder of the unaware. We hardly ever feel our need for it. Still, it remains so necessary and almost ritualistic. It acts in a lymphatic way fighting against the bacteria of negativity in your life or embracing it in a way that can be digested. It is never straightforward and always a complex flurry of emotions that the strings on a guitar and the bass or treble in a voice bring to one’s life. It’s something so necessary and beautiful a feeling to experience to have.