In defence of soulmates: two perspectives on finding ‘the one’

Two writers share their perspectives on the idea of ‘soulmates’ and finding just one person to love for the rest of your life. 

Simona Valeviciute

The concept of a ‘soulmate’ has been around for centuries. Early belief systems from societies and religions around the world claimed that people were put onto the earth and then separated from their ‘other half’, spending all of eternity trying to find the missing part of themselves. The idea, therefore, is that you and your romantic partner are made for each other. For many, this idea is outdated and while I agree, I still believe that soulmates exist.

As a feminist, I am more than aware that no one ‘needs’ a partner to complete them. As individual humans, we are all capable of thriving in this world and creating our own happiness. However, I believe that finding your soulmate can make life so much more exciting. I don’t think there are specific rules or tick boxes which make someone your soulmate. It is all down to your gut feeling – when you know, you know.

All of this is largely down to your personal instinct. It’s impossible to describe exactly what a soulmate is as it means something different for everyone. To me, a soulmate is someone that you share a connection with that is deeper than with anyone else in the world. This makes you feel safe and comfortable with them no matter what life is throwing at you.

You can get through anything because your love for each other is stronger than anything

Everyone has to deal with stressful and hectic situations from time to time but having your soulmate by your side through everything should make it all feel manageable. Having complete trust in your soulmate means that you can share all your deepest fears, worries or insecurities and they will always understand and be there for you. Of course, this means you can share all your happy times and successes with them too but the key is that even when times are tough, you can get through anything because your love for each other is stronger than anything else.

Lots of the people who believe in soulmates, and believe they have found theirs, cannot imagine life any other way. I think this is a key indicator that they are the one. This means that you accept them for exactly who they and cannot imagine life without them by your side.

I am a strong believer in the cliché saying that ‘everything happens for a reason’. Going through a horrible break up may seem like the worst thing in the world at the time but it could be a lesson that this person isn’t the one for you. This is very important because many people cling onto failing relationships as they think they won’t ever meet anyone else. Once you have been lucky enough to meet your soulmate, you will just know. All your past decisions will have taken you to that exact moment, so even the bad experiences of the past will become worth it.

Lucy Martin

I’m an old, hopeless romantic. I believe in deep connections, love at first sight, sparks and romance. It’s true that I also do believe in some form that soulmates exist. However, I find it difficult to believe that everyone has just one person out there that they need.

I love the old myths that people spend their lives searching the earth for the ones they love. Yet, we’ve come a long way in recent years in terms of accepting that people don’t need others to complete them. You aren’t half a person, forever searching for the thing that will make you whole as you complete yourself.

There isn’t just one ‘soulmate’ out there for everyone because we need more than one person to make our lives beautiful. We need friends, family, smiles from strangers in the street and I do truly believe that we can find our soulmates in friends too. Every person that plays even a small part in our lives as we grow up and get older has a piece of us. I believe this is a meaningful way of thinking about everyone you meet throughout the years.

Our hearts have an infinite amount of love to give out

At the same time, the idea of soulmates is fundamentally flawed because it’s clear that people can romantically love more than one person in their lives. Loving more than one person, going through breakups and finding new loves doesn’t mean that only one of these people is your soulmate as our hearts have an infinite amount of love to give out.

It’s also a very damaging narrative to place on young people that they must ensure everyone they invest their time into has to be ‘the one’. This is an incredible amount of pressure as we’re allowed to make mistakes and change our mind. The idea of finding your soulmate also tends to come along with a great deal of baggage in terms of a distinct path that involves marriage and a family, and a very heteronormative way of doing relationships which have been challenged by people of all sexualities in recent years. Marriage is on the decline and whereas the idea of ‘soulmates’ seemed more set in stone as people stayed in marriages all their lives – remarriages and multiple relationships are more visible now.

Although there’s a certain romance to the myths of people walking the earth trying to find their other half, it’s about time we accept that soulmates come in a million different forms and I don’t think we’re limited to just one. If the pandemic has taught me anything, it’s how much I should value and love every person in my life, and you shouldn’t just give all of your love to one person as we have a lot to go around.