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Rolf the campus cat’s lockdown tips

It’s day god-knows-what of lockdown and I’m bored of this now. I do get to go to campus for my daily walk, but there’s no people there. My humans are great, but I’m missing my adoring public now. Everyone just hurry up and come back to campus, okay? I will pull the classic Puss-in-Boots face if I have to. 

Okay, my humans have told me that I can’t encourage you to break lockdown, even if it is for yours truly. Okay, so if you can’t travel, let me think of some other tips I can give you all to survive long enough to come back to me: 

Daily Exercise 

The important looking human on the TV was kind of confusing. But his hair did look good to mess around with. Anyway, he said we can go out for more than one hour of exercise a day, and we can sit on benches in parks now too. I’m hearing naptime people! 

My humans are waving at me again: they said I have to remember that we still need to stay away from other humans. Spoilsports. Okay, fine. If you’re travelling to a beach or park and practising exercise for more than an hour, you need to keep the social distance from other humans. Don’t make me have to stare you down. 

Keep Yourself Busy

While exercise is a great motivator, there are other things you can do. One of my favourites (please excuse the cliché) is playing with wool. My humans want to add something again. Apparently not everyone likes playing with wool. Personally, if you don’t like wool, I think you’re just as bad as a dog, but fine. There’s other things you can do, like read or play a board game. What about plotting the world domination and the rise of a race of super intelligence cats? Not that I do, it’s just a thought. 

I also like rolling around in grass and would highly recommend it – wait, they’re telling me about this thing called hay fever now. I can’t catch a break today!

When you get back to your house, wash your hands when you come in from outside though licking myself seems kind of counterproductive

Try and concentrate on positive thoughts 

I know it’s not just me who’s lost track of time here.

Not being able to go out, see your friends, or come and fawn over yours truly as per usual (I don’t make these things up) is taking its toll now. It might be easier said than done but try to focus on positive thoughts. For example, I think of my adoring fans or a nice piece of fish. Clichéd, but tasty all the same. Hopefully we’ll all be out of this soon though, and there will be humans on campus again. When you do get there, enjoy looking at me on the campus billboards – I know I do!

If you do have to go out, please be careful!

Some Final Words of Advice

Okay, I know things are a little easier now but we still need to be careful. Make sure you keep your distance from other humans. I know it’s hard, but it’s important. When you get back to your house, wash your hands when you come in from outside – I mean, licking myself seems kind of counterproductive but I’m a cat, so shush. 

So these are just a couple of my tips to try and survive the continued lockdown. I’m here all week people, I’m here all week.

However, there are still positives in this. For example, I have the undivided attention of my humans 24/7, which means I can focus more on my plan for world domination. I mean, world- world- World Cat Day? Whatever, just move along. 

What I’m trying to say is that good things might have come out of this lockdown: you might have learned a new skill, taken up a new hobby, or perfected your wool-playing skills. Humans are interrupting again- why do humans not want to play with wool? It’s fun, come on! 

While things will hopefully be back to normal soon, don’t forget the good things that it may have brought for you: be that new skills, more time with your family, or an extended nap time… Being the face of campus is tiring, ok?

Anyway, regardless of what the future holds, remember what you’ve learned from this lockdown and try and maintain it when we get back to normal.  And bring me some treats when you get here, okay?

Rolf x


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