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2119: We are stuck in a Brexit Groundhog Day

It was a bright and sunny day at Brussels, in 2119. The 31st of October, to be exact. The reporters and the Brexit pilgrims were standing on either side of a cordoned-off red carpet, leading to Brexit House, the venue for the signing of the Brexit extension. The Brexit Extension and the pen were lying on the table, which could be seen through the open doorway of Brexit House. Doris Johnston was walking with Donald Tusker, the European Council President, along with a couple of security guys. The crowd cheered as they walked past. His hair was gloriously unkempt. He was walking with a smirk. His shoelaces were open. His right foot stepped on them. The smirk turned into a horrible, contorted grimace, as he fell onto the dusty red carpet. The entire crowd held its breath for a moment, and then burst out laughing. Tusker chuckled. Doris got up, red-faced, and had walked straight into the room. As he took Tusker’s signed extension letter, Doris muttered under his breath, “I’m never coming back here again.” Tusker smiled.

The crowd cheered as they walked past. His hair was gloriously unkempt. He was walking with a smirk. His shoelaces were open

Upon his return, a bellowing voice could be heard in the Common Lords (the result of an inevitable merging of the once two Houses). “WE NEED TO EXIT BREXIT,” said Johnston, the PM, in Parliament the very next day. “This is a decision bigger than any individual politician or government. Therefore, I believe we should have a referendum, asking our citizens a very simple question: Should we exit Brexit? It’s a simple yes or no question, and our population is simply tired of this useless merry-go-round where we ask the EU for an extension every year.”

The Opposition Leader, Jeremiah Carbine, asked rather peevishly, “Prime Minister, I do hope this has nothing to do with your unfortunate fall at Brussels yesterday.” The entire house burst out laughing.

Despite the joke, Johnston managed to get the decision passed in Parliament, and the parties began campaigning. While the opposition campaigned to not exit Brexit, because it didn’t want ‘the nation to stumble and fall into the chaos that is inherent with exiting Brexit’, the government went on with the slogan of ‘we must break the bonds of tradition and the shackles of the EU, who we miserably go to ask for an extension every year, as if we’re beggars’.

They campaigned for months. The big day, the big vote was finally here in May 2119. These days, the election result came immediately after the vote due to advances in technology and Mark Zuckerberg developing a software that knew what you’d be voting for three years in advance. And, with an extremely close result, 52% of the people voted to exit Brexit.

They campaigned for months. The big day, the big vote was finally here in May 2119

Rejuvenated by the result, Doris went on to prepare the exit. They must be finished the 31st of October, so that he could keep his word to himself, never to go ask for an extension again. He is a man of his word. He is a man of the people.

It is now the 31st of October, 2120. Doris is angry. His oven-ready deal was once again burnt to a cinder. For months, he tried to get everyone to agree with this amazing deal, through which he’d be able to get Brexit, and thus the Brexit exit, done. He couldn’t.

It’s a bright and sunny day at Brussels, in 2120. The reporters and the Brexit pilgrims were standing on either side of a cordoned-off red carpet, leading to Brexit House, the venue for the signing of the Brexit Exit extension, and the Brexit extension. The Brexit Exit Extension, the Brexit Extension, and the pen were lying on the table, which could be seen through the open doorway of Brexit House. Doris Johnston got out of his car and was walking towards Donald Tusker. The crowd cheered as he walked past. His hair was angrily unkempt. He was walking with a grimace. His shoelaces were open. His right foot stepped on them. The grimace turned into a horrible, contorted and even worse grimace, as he fell onto the dusty red carpet, right at Tusker’s feet. He looked up at Tusker. Tusker smiled.

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