If clapping is going down, I for one am going down with it

I have, since the age of six, always wanted to set up my own secret underground club. The problem in realising this dream, for me personally, has been that I do not have a lot of secrets. I am not rich enough or privileged enough to be in one of those Oxbridge clubs that goes around smashing up restaurants. My views are too bland and liberal to belong in any kind of political cult. And I am too nice to contemplate dodging a train fare, let alone consider turning to a life of crime. Imagine my excitement then, when I heard the news that Manchester Students Union had decided to ban, or at least strongly discourage, clapping. Finally, I had found a worthy cause to rebel over.

To find myself having to defend clapping in an opinion article is most unexpected, even in 2018. It is amusing yet confusing. It is funny but then it is not in the slightest. It is tempting to engage with such a ridiculous idea on a serious level and it would be easy to roll out the classic ‘freedom’ arguments. I could tell you how ‘moral authoritarianism’ is undermining our society, or how John Stuart Mill would be turning in his grave. Perhaps there is some truth behind such sweeping allegations, and I for one am wary of a world in which one can be judged not only for the harm or offence they cause, but for the pure notion of causing someone else to feel uncomfortable.

It is really no wonder there is such a drive to get rid of clapping when so many people are so bad at it

As tempting as it may be to cry bloody murder over this ‘ban’ on clapping, I feel that doing so would only legitimise the advocates of the ban. Why should I feel the need to drag out philosophy or serious arguments to defend the simple act of clapping? Why should we treat a group of silly and sanctimonious people as if they actually have any tangible power? Whilst the online debate around this issue has branded the ‘ban’ authoritarian and overly politically correct, in reality the people behind it have no authority to speak of and no policies. This development is not a threat to our freedom, it is a silly idea from people who have long since run out of good ones.

I like clapping. In fact, I find it hard to overstate just how much I enjoy clapping. Is there anything more satisfying in life than feeling your hands clasp together as you hear the perfect clap ring out across a room? What greater feeling of vindication is there than when you manage to get your first clap in before everyone else follows suit? And what in the world could be better than silently judging the feeble clap of the loser standing next to you? It is really no wonder there is such a drive to get rid of clapping when so many people are so bad at it.

We can get riled up by these growingly ridiculous demands and treat them seriously, or we can have a good laugh at the lack of imagination on display

Credit where credit is due however, Manchester SU have benevolently provided us with a more acceptable alternative to the classic clap. They have not disappointed. It has been decreed that we shall all instead use jazz hands. Thank god, we are saved! That is, until someone somewhere decides that they are causing offensive cultural appropriation of the classic jazz genre, and should also be thrown onto the scrap heap.

To my mind, this entire saga presents us with a choice. We can get riled up by these growingly ridiculous demands and treat them seriously, or we can have a good laugh at the lack of imagination on display and move calmly on. And so, after much deliberation, I will not be going underground to form a secret clapping society. I will instead respond to any call to discourage clapping with an enthusiastic round of applause.

You can read a piece in defence of Manchester SU here.