Literary World Cup

The World Cup is upon us, with football fever set to grip the nation for the next month. Here at the Boar Books, watching football is clearly our favourite summer pastime, but we would like to take a moment to remember the one that comes a narrow second: reading. In the spirit of football’s once-every-four-years-worldwide-extravaganza, we present to you our Literary World Cup.

NB: We cannot confirm whether any FIFA-style corruption has affected the outcome of this World Cup.

Group Stages

Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) vs. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Brontë)

Two nineteenth-century feminist classics which give every young girl a hope of finding love. But Jane Eyre is not without its problems – Bertha being locked up in the attic, anyone? And, be honest, we’d all rather marry Darcy than Rochester. Especially after Colin Firth played him.

WINNER: Pride and Prejudice

Waiting for Godot (Samuel Beckett) vs. Death of a Salesman (Arthur Miller)

Two of the twentieth century’s foremost plays, and familiar to English students the country over. But Waiting for Godot is the literary equivalent of parking the bus: alright, it’s strategic, but it’s also frustrating. Whereas Death of a Salesman brings back happy memories of those carefree days of GCSEs.

WINNER: Death of a Salesman

Seven Brief Lessons on Physics (Carlo Rovelli) vs. The Magic of Reality (Richard Dawkins)

Here are two eminent scientists at their very best, the science world’s answer to Pep Guardiola vs. José Mourinho. They both make complex science utterly understandable and wondrous. But Rovelli’s slim tone made me an expert in quantum mechanics – and I’m told that even physicists don’t understand quantum mechanics. In short, he made me a genius.

Here are two eminent scientists at their very best, the science world’s answer to Pep Guardiola vs. José Mourinho

WINNER: Seven Brief Lessons on Physics

Slaughterhouse Five (Kurt Vonnegut) vs. Birdsong (Sebastian Faulks)

Two worthy contestants from the rich oeuvre that is war fiction. Birdsong is a stunning rendering of World War I, but is let down by its scenes set in the modern day. Slaughterhouse Five, on the other hand, is tight, consistent, a physical representation of Vonnegut’s trauma from experiencing the bombing of Dresden. Looks like Birdsong is out in the first round. So it goes.

WINNER: Slaughterhouse Five

Notes from a Small Island (Bill Bryson) vs. How to be a Woman (Caitlin Moran)

On a lighter note, two laugh-out-loud non-fictions to give this first round the fan favourites it has so far been missing. Bryson’s observations of England’s oddities are brilliant and affectionate. But Moran nicks the tie by making feminism simple, inarguable and funny, a necessary but nonetheless impressive achievement. And we can’t have two Americans beating an English writer in the first round. It is too painfully reminiscent of 1950.

WINNER: How to be a Woman

1984 (George Orwell) vs. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)

After a brief break, we’re back to the dark, the difficult, the depressing. Is it acceptable to make the deciding factor in a Literary World Cup a brilliant TV show? Looks like we just did it anyway.

WINNER: The Handmaid’s Tale

The Canterbury Tales (Geoffrey Chaucer) vs. William Shakespeare’s Sonnets

Sorry, Chaucer, but he’s Shakespeare. And even if he wasn’t the most famous writer ever, at least he’s writing in vaguely recognisable English.

WINNER: Shakespeare’s Sonnets

Harry Potter (J. K. Rowling) vs. Lord of the Rings (J. R. R. Tolkien)

Two of the most intricate and expansive fantastical universes ever imagined. Two epic series of compelling (if not over-long and sometimes averagely-acted) blockbusters. But only one has inspired a theme park in Florida, which is surely the true mark of greatness.

WINNER: Harry Potter

And even if he wasn’t the most famous writer ever, at least he’s writing in vaguely recognisable English

Quarter Finals

Pride and Prejudice vs. Death of a Salesman

A worryingly easy quarter final. Because, in a further blow to Willy Loman, he just doesn’t compare to Fitzwilliam Darcy. It’s like saying you’d rather watch Phil Jones than Leo Messi. This is a wipe-out reminiscent of Germany’s drubbing of Brazil 4 years ago.

Winner: Pride and Prejudice

Seven Brief Lessons on Physics vs. Slaughterhouse Five

A fascinating fixture, as two books considering the nature of time come head to head. In the end, it is their heart that makes the difference. Seven Brief Lessons has the superior skill, but Slaughterhouse Five wears its heart on its sleeve and the effect is irresistible.

WINNER: Slaughterhouse Five

How to be a Woman vs. The Handmaid’s Tale

Two giants of the feminist world come head to head in the quarters. Who will emerge victorious? The visceral dystopian (but scarily prescient) tale, or the m(ora)nifesto for a more equal, happier world? Sheer optimism might be enough to carry Moran through.

WINNER: How to be a Woman

Sonnets vs. Harry Potter

The crowd is firmly divided on this one, between the literature purists and the feisty younger generation. The assumption is that the purists will win. But Harry won’t easily back down against his foe whose name everybody knows and who refuses to die. Could this be a giant killing?

WINNER: Harry Potter

Semi Finals

Pride and Prejudice vs. Slaughterhouse Five

Is it wrong to pick a winner based on how happy it makes you feel? It is summer, after all. War fiction has its time and place but late June calls for romance and endless daydreaming.

WINNER: Pride and Prejudice

How to be a Woman vs. Harry Potter

Does anyone else feel like Caitlin Moran and Hermione Granger would really get on? As it is, Moran graciously concedes defeat to a woman who represents nearly everything she is talking about in How to be a Woman. Hermione does a Maradona and wins this almost single-handedly (which, if we’re honest, is pretty much what she does in every Harry Potter book).

WINNER: Harry Potter

Is it wrong to pick a winner based on how happy it makes you feel?

Final

Pride and Prejudice vs. Harry Potter

And so here we are. Lizzie Bennett goes head to head with Hermione Granger. Mr Wickham faces Draco Malfoy. Mr Collins meets Peter Pettigrew. One of English fiction’s greatest observers of character comes up against one of its greatest chroniclers of plot. In these novels we have two worthy winners of the Literary World Cup, but only one can triumph. The crowd are split. The stakes are high. The quality is dazzling. Only penalties can separate the two.

LITERARY WORLD CUP WINNER 2018: Harry Potter

Of all the battles Harry has fought, this must surely be the greatest. To overcome both Shakespeare and Austen is no mean feat. But once again the Boy Who Lived has demonstrated the power of resilience, determination and a certain attacking flair. In a year of political turmoil, we need Harry Potter: a series which celebrates love and friendship and loyalty, with some pretty cool magic thrown in. It allows us to escape from the real world but returns us to it kinder, stronger, happier. Let us hope the same from Russia.