Speaking up about being an introvert

I didn’t know I was an introvert until I started university. Being loud and giggly was my thing at sixth form. I know that my voice is soft, being told to ‘speak up’ is something I’ve frequently been told to do. Running away from guests at home and eating on my own are also traits not frequently admired by others.

Upon starting university, the life change gave me the opportunity to adapt to new surroundings. A new environment brought with it a liberty to be who I truly am, yet this feeling came with an inescapable sensation of vulnerability. It was strange having the courage and desire to go to ‘Meet & Greet’ events but not wanting to speak to anyone. I was always amazed and puzzled to see how easily people get into groups and can talk. Whilst standing in a corner never bothered me, seeing people giving me looks of pity or asking me if I am shy made me feel very out of place and uncomfortable.

The phrase ‘speak up’ has become a lot more frequent and every time it is said, it leaves me with a lump in my throat…

Ever since starting university, I have made friends with the people on my course, people I lived with in first year and those from societies. It has been amazing to have friends who accept me for who I am which means not minding that I don’t turn up to the social events, or that I choose to study on my own. It is this sense of acceptance that got me through my first year and I ended with a sense of achievement that I could build strong relationships whilst being who I truly am.

Another challenge has, however, surfaced this year. Doing recruitment processes for internships has meant that I have had the hardest time finding the balance between who I am and what the ideal candidate should be like. The phrase ‘speak up’ has become a lot more frequent and every time it is said, it leaves me with a lump in my throat.

Another thing that bothers me is my approach to celebrating success. Often when I am very proud, I tend to write a poignant entry in my journal or write a blog or poem, or I will personally message my special ones to share how I feel. I can’t bear the idea of hosting a party, or organising a meal with a group.

But thanks to Sprint, this academic year has been the year of embracing who I am. It has been a shift towards positivity, self-acceptance and perseverance…

 

Small talk is not really my thing. As a courtesy, I might ask you about your weekend or evening but my desire is always to find a key topic so that I can get into a deep conversation. For this reason, I often find myself taking on the role of a listener in conversations but it is suddenly not a skill worth much unless you can pair it with great speaking skills. Speaking elegantly is something that naturally happens when I know I have something meaningful to add or when I feel very passionately about something but this is not enough at interviews and assessment centres. You must be constantly firing new points at others and ‘adding to the discussion’.

My friends at university have not only enabled me to form bonds but grow as a person…

My love for chemistry may shine through but my own personality has been failing me at various stages of finding a job. If there has been one thing that has enabled me to stay hopeful, then that would be my experience with Sprint, the personal development programme for women offered by the Warwick Careers and Skills service. I didn’t know before starting the programme how important it would be in helping me to understand that I am just as normal and capable as those people who seem to know the answer to every question, and can structure their arguments in the most elegant way and get everybody looking at them without feeling nervous. I did end up with tears rolling down my cheeks when the topic of introverts and passive people came up during my recent Sprint session. But thanks to Sprint, this academic year has been the year of embracing who I am. It has been a shift towards positivity, self-acceptance and perseverance.

My friends at university have not only enabled me to form bonds but grow as a person. As an introvert, I find it fascinating to learn about the wildly different approach of extroverts to life. I enjoy the company of ‘chatty’ people because they fill the silence in the air and I don’t have to do too much talking. At home, parents have given in to the attempts of getting their daughter to speak up in front of others or teach her to get excited about her birthday. There is a clear sense of acceptance and hopefully one day I’ll find that every element of my personality is equally embraced by everyone.

The quiet are not always shy and the soft are not always weak…

I think we could all, in society, do a little more to make introverts feel accepted in the real world. Introverts are greatly misunderstood in society and assigned false labels and I’ll end this article with a final cry of explanation: the quiet are not always shy and the soft are not always weak.