Sex Toys: A guide for beginners

Far too often I am met with disgust, embarrassment and fear when I bring up the topic of sex toys. Despite the fact that students are stereotypically and notoriously liberal most of the time, far too many of them seem out of their depth when it comes to sex toys. 

Not that I blame them. There is so much stigma surrounding sex toys and, more generally, around pleasure. Some seem to think that relying on sex toys for pleasure alone means that they will be unable to perform with a partner. Some seem to believe that using a sex toy brings their honour or sexual prowess into question. Others are just worried that owning a sex toy presents them as a wide range of ridiculous adjectives, from nymphomaniac to desperate. The key to a good sex life though, with both yourself and others, is openness and curiosity. Of course you don’t have to try anything which you genuinely aren’t interested in. However toys are a fantastic and lasting way to keep all types of sex interesting and enjoyable.

In light of this, I have compiled a beginners list of different types of sex toys to help you discern which, if any, are right for you. This isn’t an exhaustive list and there is so much more out there to try, but it’s a good place to start.

Bullet Vibrators

Most people who own any kind of sex toy with will own one  of these, or will have had one in the past. Bullet vibrators are a small, discreet vibrator, most of which look – you guessed it – like a bullet. They’re also perfect for use alone or with a partner. If you’re feeling particularly fancy and running out of ways to spend your student loan, Lelo sell a wireless, remote controlled bullet for a mere £129. But you really don’t have to spend that much to get something worthwhile. 

Dildos 

This is another classic addition to any bedside drawer. When used with a water based lubricant, insertable toys can be a lot of fun. Dildos can come in multiple textures, from smooth to ribbed to realistic. You can also benefit from a range of materials, such as glass and high-quality silicone. Many are specifically curved to hit different interior spots and provide more interesting sensations. There are excellent starter sizes, and websites such as Lovehoney or Ann Summers do a great job at signposting the best beginner options. Plenty also come with flared bases and suction cup bases so that they can be safely used for anal insertion or left stuck to a flat surface if your prone to losing things. Remember though, if you’re sharing a dildo or any other toy with a partner, you must clean them between users.

Classic Vibrators & Rabbits

The classic vibrator is much like an oversized bullet, and they often provide a stronger vibration, if that is what you want from a toy. Like dildos, these vibrators come in a range of sizes, textures and shapes to suit your requirements. You can also get vibrators which are also advertised as silent or quiet; perfect for the thin walls of a student house. A rabbit vibrator is simply one step up from any of these classic vibrators, and they can be identified by the “rabbit ears” part of the way up the shaft. Some rabbit vibrators will offer a vibrating, textured or rotating shaft, and the ears themselves can often be set to different speeds or patterns of vibration. Rabbit vibrators are the perfect way to get both internal and external stimulation simultaneously. Wand Vibrators come in a vast array of sizes, from the smallest ones around the size of a standard bullet, to ones as long as your forearm. They can be identified by a bulbous head on the very end and are best for the most powerful vibrations. Though smaller ones are battery operated or rechargeable, most larger wands need to be plugged in during use. They are certainly louder than other vibrators too – when testing the volume of my own, a housemate told me it sounded remarkably like a drill. You may also struggle to hide the larger wands as easily, which may lead to some awkward conversations if your family come to help you move out. Don’t let this put you off though. The strong vibration is fantastic and not something you can easily get with other vibrators. You can also invest in various attachments for the head of a wand, making it a very versatile toy.

Strokers 

Most people will know these by the popular brand name of Fleshlight, however the general term is in fact a stroker. They are an incredibly popular toy for people who have a penis, but there are many more types than the standard popular Fleshlight. Many have a pocket in which you can put a bullet vibrator. They will all have different interior textures to suit individual needs. Some even have additions such as suction cups or other hands-free functions. It is also easy to find a stroker which has been made to look like something else, such as a can, making it a fairly discreet toy. 

There is no shame in having enjoyable sex, either alone or with others. Most sellers offer discreet packaging, and some have great deals just for students. Don’t be too scared to try sex toys. You might find that they revolutionise your experience of pleasure and bring new excitement to your sex life. There’s really no need to be embarrassed about that.