The most colourful ‘grey area’

Bisexuality: It’s not a ‘myth’, it’s not an ‘excuse’. It’s what many of us are- myself included. Ironically, however, I also think I was biphobic before I realised that I am bisexual. One of the greater struggles in discovering who I am was this darned grey area. I was lost in a limbo knowing that my affections for boys was existent and growing, but simultaneously unable to deny myself of my innate feelings of heterosexuality.

Surely though, this is the point where my self-discovery should have ended, with acceptance of my bisexuality. ‘Should’ is correct. I didn’t though. I refused to believe that a human being was capable of being attracted to both genders. Perhaps I was clouded by the voices around me. Perhaps it was the influence of the media, which labels others as ‘greedy,’ and suggests that people use bisexuality as a ‘cover-up’ for their true sexuality. Perhaps by refusing to believe in bisexuality, I bought myself a little more time to truly accept who I am.

I would hope and pray that one day I would just wake up gay or straight and kidded myself that things would be easier that way…

Either way, one thing I was certain of was that I didn’t fit in. I was left with this life-changing decision, to choose boys or girls forever while still uncertain of which I preferred. I would hope and pray that one day I would just wake up gay or straight and kidded myself that things would be easier that way.

However, when I finally came to the point of acceptance, I realised it was my refusal to acknowledge the existence of bisexuality that had prolonged my years of torment, not the views of anyone else. Nevertheless, once I had finally accepted that I was bisexual and had come out; I was shocked at how dismissive the world seemed to be of bisexuality. If I was so dismissive of bisexuality myself, then how could I blame everyone else for being the same?

If someone had dispelled these biphobic rumours when I was younger and I was more aware of its presence, then my journey may have been a little shorter and a little less stressful…

I think that, sometimes, the biphobic culture we find ourselves in is a result of attitudes changing towards bisexuality comparatively slower towards those in other branches of the LGBTQ+ community. But, mostly, I believe it is due to the lack of societal awareness. If someone had dispelled these biphobic rumours when I was younger and I was more aware of its presence, then my journey may have been a little shorter and a little less stressful.

So, rather than just sitting here and complaining about it, I thought that I would use this article to dispel a few rumours and social faux pas that I’ve encountered and, hopefully, ease the minds of a few other people who feel the same as I do:

1. Bisexuality exists, and it is no less credible and should be no less accepted than any other branch of the LGBTQ+ community.
2. There is a ‘percentages’ game: some people may want to play and others may not, this should be respected. Don’t be shocked if you ask the same person twice and get different answers; sexuality can be fluid.
3. Cover-up: In many cases people are not identifying as a bisexual to cover up anything, and they should be accepted for finding attraction and/or love in both genders. However, those that use bisexuality as a stepping-stone should not be criticised. If it provides a platform that can ease someone into accepting who they truly are then surely this is a great thing. This just might be the closest thing that they can relate to right now.
4. There’s a stereotype that bisexual people are ‘twice as likely to cheat’: Nope. I believe that’s based on the relationship boundaries the individual holds themselves to, not the numerical odds of who they could potentially be attracted to.
5. Sexuality by association: I am in a homosexual relationship. This does not mean, nor has it made me, any ‘more gay’ than I was before. Dating a man does not make me gay, nor does dating a woman make me straight.
6. Labelling: Apparently the three extra syllables in bisexual makes it so much harder to say than gay. I don’t take too much offence to this, but try to label others correctly if you need to label them at all.

So, let’s rid these rumours once and for all, and let those who fall into the ‘grey area’ feel bright again.