The general election is just around the corner and with the main political party leaders plastered across every form of media, their policies, pasts and personalities scrupulously examined, we couldn’t help but make comparisons between them and our favourite videogame characters.
Theresa May, Conservatives – Sofia Lamb, Bioshock 2
Cool, calm and collected lamb has a plan for Rapture. It may be subject to constant changes and amendments, but she promises that it is still a plan. Lamb isn’t looking for a hard or a soft revolution, she’s looking for a red, white and blue revolution (or whatever the colours of the Rapture flag are). She’s steely, determined and a little bit terrifying with a group of dedicated followers determined to follow her orders through to the end. When we watch May on PMQs, we can’t help but imagine her at the bottom of the ocean… in an air providing bathysphere of course. Lamb’s drug policy is perhaps a little more liberal than May’s, but besides from that, the two bear a striking resembled.
Lamb isn’t looking for a hard or a soft revolution, she’s looking for a red, white and blue revolution
Jeremy Corbyn, Labour – the Old Man, the Legend of Zelda
How long has he been in play? A generation? A decade? A century? Perhaps even since the beginning of time itself. No one really knows, perhaps no one really cares, but the important thing is he’s here; to stubbornly keep hold of that master sword and defeat Ganon himself… wait that’s not right. To shield himself from criticism in a cave of Corbynisters… wait no I’ll get this. To hold back in complete safety while his follower suffers from unending and unrelenting beatings, stabbings and poundings. As dry as the Gerudo Desert, as popular as the Water Temple (and I’m talking Ocarina of Time here) and as useful as an old man in a cave, Corbyn, we have found your videogame equivalent.
Tim Farron, Liberal Democrats – Luigi, Luigi’s Mansion
They’re both adorable, as long as you don’t mention religion of course. They may have been sidekicks in the past but now they’re heading out on their own, to make their own mark on the world. Luigi has so far gone in search of Mario in ‘Mario is Missing’, gone out exploring on his own in New Super Luigi U and even attained a doctor’s degree in Dr. Luigi. But nothing quite compares to Luigi’s Mansion, where he was able to remove the ghosts of the past from living memory. Farron you can try. Try all you want, but the students will never forget.
Caroline Lucas and Jonathan Bartley Greens – the Ice Climbers, Ice Climber
Be honest, you had absolutely no idea that Jonathan Bartley was the name of the other leader of the Green Party. I’m going to be honest attacking the Green Party feels a bit like beating a helpless puppy so I will simply compare them to the Ice Climbers. Two interchangeable characters with cute smiley faces kind of just happy to be here. Don’t be too complacent however, the Ice climbers may look loveable with their matching outfits and cutesy hammers, but they will not hesitate to use those hammers to destroy you.
the Ice climbers may look loveable with their matching outfits and cutesy hammers, but they will not hesitate to use those hammers to destroy you
Nicola Sturgeon, SNP – Morrigan, Darkstalkers
Now at first glance Morrigan from Darkstalkers doesn’t look much like Nicola Sturgeon. And no we didn’t just pick her because she’s the only Scottish female in all of gaming… ok that’s one reason, but seriously games you need to get on that politics is more diverse than you, politics! But there are a number of other similarities between them. Despite being the Queen of the Night, Morrigan shirks her responsibilities in the pursuit of far more perilous and dangerous powers… to secede from the UK and become supreme ruler of Scotland. Granted Sturgeon doesn’t look much like Morrigan but its inner ambitions and character that really matters. I mean, can you imagine the field day the Daily Mail would have if Morrigan the succubus ran for Minister of Scotland?
Paul Nuttall, UKIP – Eggman, Sonic
No we are not in the slightest way claiming that Paul Nuttall imprisons small woodland creatures and turns them into robots in his spare time. No, we are not in any way suggesting that he has aspirations for world domination. How could you even think that we thought Paul Nuttall was obsessed only with shiny, priceless items that yield great power? It’s like you think that we have no integrity at all. No the reason we have compared Nuttall to Doctor Eggman is because they’re both one dimensional characters but nevertheless that caricatured villain that we all know and love… what do you mean Nuttall is being serious?
Leanne Wood, Plaid Cymru – Merrill, Dragon Age 2
Innocent, timid but nonetheless independent, Merrill may have spent her life isolated among forests and wildlife but she’s willing to risk it all to venture out into the wider World. And by venture out I of course mean to also try to gain independence from it. To top it all, both have their own distinctive hairstyles, elaborate clan tattoos and practice blood magic… and no I have not just run out of facts for the leader of Plaid Cymru, thingy mc-wood has a very interesting and distinctive political career.