Lib Dem membership card
Lib Dem membership card

Should we forgive the Lib Dems? – Mike Wrench

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A few weeks ago, I got drunk. I can’t remember for what reason – perhaps I was spinning into an existential crisis; more likely I was just at a Rugby match. Whatever the reason, I woke up the next morning under the naïve assumption that my life was the same and I’d done nothing differently.

A couple of weeks later, I checked my bank statement; I spotted an anomaly. Twenty-five pounds, gone. I had no idea where that had gone to, and for a minute I thought I’d been stolen from. The truth was much weirder; I’d drunkenly, accidentally, joined the Lib Dems.

About a week ago I got my membership card. Honestly, it’s a pain in the arse. I keep on picking it up and putting it in my pocket without looking, going to buy something then BAM; Charles Kennedy. It’s not the most inspiring thing when you’re trying to buy an entire vanilla cheesecake to binge on.

The truth was much weirder; I’d drunkenly, accidentally, joined the Lib Dems.

I’ve always been a swing voter. I’m really very middle ground, so I’ll just go for whoever’s the most centrist. I’ve not been a fan of the Lib Dems since they plunged me into enormous debt by being an exceptionally spineless traitor. £9000 a year is a lot to be quite shit at Classics.

Yet, realistically, the Lib Dems are the party that would represent me the most. Above everything else, I’m liberal; for a lot of my life I’ve not been free, so the urge to want the opposite of that is very strong in me. I don’t like nanny states; I don’t like the idea of someone watching over me.

£9000 a year is a lot to be quite shit at Classics.

I disagree with some of the most prominent things the Lib Dems are currently famous for. This entire furore over Tim Farron and his opinions on homosexuality and abortion knocks me sick. To be a liberal, in my view, is to accept that people should be allowed to live as they want to without harming others.

And then there’s the second referendum – that really irks me. If there has been a referendum that should be the end; once there’s a second, it will inevitably never end. And honestly, I can’t be arsed with that many referendums. How many more buses will lies be painted on before we accept one decision or another?

To be a liberal, in my view, is to accept that people should be allowed to live as they want to without harming others.

But of course, there’s nuance. Farron says he isn’t against homosexuality, and I’m sure there must be some Lib Dems out there who disagree with a second referendum. It is impossible for a party to represent everything someone stands for, every complex moral decision and viewpoint that makes up a human being.

So, I’ve come to an epiphany. As a general rule, I don’t like politicians. I don’t even like politics, although I’ll always write about it because I know it will piss people off. I certainly don’t really like  the leaders of any of the major parties. They all have massive flaws that would be particularly bad coming from the leader of an entire country.

I don’t even like politics, although I’ll always write about it because I know it will piss people off.

But in the same vein, if there’s a party out there that supports my middle ground, I’ll vote for it. I can’t vote Tory, can’t vote Labour, because neither of them will do that. And further to that, May and Corbyn are so prone to gaffes that they may as well leave politics and create an avant garde stand-up routine, entirely based around Ken Livingstone , Hitler and Boris Johnson being racist.

So yeah, I’m going to vote Lib Dem. It feels like the right thing to do, and it feels like they would be marginally more competent than the other two major parties. And besides, with Brexit upon on us, and the oncoming nuclear fallout from one of Trump’s temper tantrums, what have we got left to lose?

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