New Year, better me: Resolutions worth keeping

January is a time for reflection and growth and as students I think we have plenty of time to look inwards. Most of us are at a crossroad in our lives between childhood and adulthood, teetering on the edge of the oblivion that is the “real world”, unsure of what is to come. It is only natural that we want to create resolutions to prepare us for our futures, and whilst ones like stopping smoking or losing weight are useful, there are three key lessons all students (myself included) need to learn before we leave university if we want to succeed and more importantly to be happy.

Say ‘thank you’ more. It may seem simple but expressing gratitude is an immensely underrated skill. It’s not just muttering a half-hearted thanks to the bus driver as you rush of or a quick ‘ta’ to your mum when she does something nice. Meaningful gratitude is crucial to being happy. Thanking the people in your life for the love and support they give you might make it slightly easier for them to deal with the inevitable problems all humans make.

Thanking your family for the support, both financial and emotional, that allows you to be studying at such a great university might just provide you with a little motivation when your buried under three different lab reports. It isn’t just good for you, thanking people creates a culture of gratitude, which allows everyone to reflect on just how lucky we are.

It may seem simple but expressing gratitude is an immensely underrated skill.

From the roof over our heads, the food in our stomachs and the opportunities we have in life, we are all extremely lucky and we have a lot to be thankful for. So over the course of 2017 try to express genuine gratitude to those you love. I know we’re all forgetful at times, but if we try to express gratitude at least once a day perhaps we can start to feel more and more content.

This leads me to my second point: aim to say what you mean. This isn’t school anymore; you can’t bitch behind someone’s back or leave passive aggressive notes on the fridge. If something annoys you say it. I don’t mean create conflict and drama over pointless issues but simple express yourself politely and respectfully.

If we try to express gratitude at least once a day perhaps we can start to feel more and more content.

If your friend has annoyed you then it is okay for you to tell them that, it is not okay for you to say ‘Oh my god Emma you’re such a bitch I hate you’ because that’s unnecessary and probably untrue. But if Emma did something a little inconsiderate you are allowed to tell her how you feel, you aren’t asking for apologies or trying to cause issues you are simply displaying your upset and if she is your friend she will appreciate you telling her.

The reason this is so important is that the more open you are about your feelings, both positive and negative, the easier it is for people to respect them. If Emma knows something upsets me she is unlikely to do it again, however if I never tell Emma she has upset me then how is she ever going to know. Bottling in problems just makes them spill out when you’re stressed or drunk and the result is always messy.

If your friend has annoyed you then it is okay for you to tell them that

Becoming open about how you feel now sets you up for dealing with conflict in the future. It allows you to assert yourself in a positive way, to show how you deserve to be treated and to respectfully resolve problems. Being open about issues resolves them maturely and quickly, it’s not something I always do I’ll admit, and I think we’re all prone to a little bit of “venting”, but for 2017 lets all try to say how we feel or keep it zipped. It makes the world a little bit nicer I’ve found.

Finally and most importantly: accept your mistakes. We are humans and so we mess up. It is human nature to say the wrong thing or hurt someone’s feelings and whilst it isn’t always good it is certainly okay. You are going to make plenty of mistakes in 2017. You’re going to break something valuable, say something mean to a friend, lose something, hurt yourself, lose money, fail an exam, get fired or simply just leave typos in your essays. These things happen to people, and when they do you cannot dwell on them.

It is human nature to say the wrong thing or hurt someone’s feelings and whilst it isn’t always good it is certainly okay

They should not be a source of pain for you, but a source of learning, a source of positivity and growth. If you mess up it’s okay, move forward, apologise, fix whatever’s broken and take it as a lesson for the future you. Don’t spend 2017 fixating on mistakes you cannot erase, it’s a waste of 365 days.