Student Focus: The lasting effects of spiking

There was an overwhelming sense of disorientation and shame that I felt when I woke up in bed with someone who wasn’t my partner. Just before I went out that night, I was telling some friends how great things were going with my partner.

A few hours later they were watching me, whispering, as they saw me kiss someone else. I cannot criticise their judgement; I would have reacted in the same way. Imagine if you had had to make that excruciating call to my partner, listening to them sobbing as you tell them you can’t remember anything, but that you knew you were unfaithful.

Imagine if you’d sat in A&E for hours. Imagine if you’d sat in that interview room with the police officer, edging a box of tissues forward as they asked if you were sure you weren’t just really drunk. They told me that there wasn’t really anything they could do. The CCTV footage wasn’t clear enough to make out, plus the drugs made me forget where I was or what time it happened. In one fell swoop, my life was thrown into disarray.

Imagine if you’d sat in A&E for hours. Imagine if you’d sat in that interview room with the police officer, edging a box of tissues forward as they asked if you were sure you weren’t just really drunk.

I couldn’t make it to university for my classes. I agonised over the wording of emails to tutors; excusing myself and not the person who drugged me. They took not only my memory, but my money. I lost over £60 in cash that night and my phone was smashed beyond repair.

I had to phone my boss, tearful, explaining what had happened. I didn’t go to work much either. I needed those wages to survive. It cost me almost £30 in a taxi to the hospital. I was crying and alone. I know that my attacker did not experience the same sleepless nights, crying or overcome with thoughts and regrets about that night.

I agonised over the wording of emails to tutors; excusing myself and not the person who drugged me

I know that their heart doesn’t race when drinking with friends. I know that they’re not thinking about me, but every day, I am thinking of them. I write this in the hope that others, who blindly place their faith in the good nature of other people, like I did that night, will be more vigilant about keeping an eye on their drinks.

I hope they will look out for one another. Yet, it crushes me that I have to write this – to raise awareness of the fact that not all people are good. That some people will try to hurt you and take things from you, whether you realise it or not.

Yet, it crushes me that I have to write this – to raise awareness of the fact that not all people are good.

Nothing makes me sadder than the fact there are no consequences for what they did to me. It terrifies me that they can do this again, if they so wish. If you are reading this – above all else – I want you to know that you did not win. I am blessed with a partner who believed me – who did not judge me or shame me for your actions.

In a twisted way, you have only made us stronger. My flatmates and friends rallied around me, supporting me and listening to me whenever I needed it. Your actions, for a brief moment, made me lose faith in the goodness of people. Every day it gets a little easier, but I will never be able to forget what you took from me. I can never erase the pain you caused me and those I love.