The Diary of Bridget Koan

Keren Brody imagines a blog post if Bridget Jones were a student at Warwick…

New Year’s Resolutions:

Must not:

• do all-nighters
• drink more than 5 pints of purple at circle
• fantasise about Medieval Literature lecturer

Must:

• make lunches in advance (no more Bread Oven)
• do ALL recommended reading
• write blog posts often to document final year of university in bid to stave off existential fear that future employment in soulless London office will crush me into middle-class stereotype

Noon. Redfern. My room. Ugh. The last thing on earth I feel physically, emotionally or mentally equipped to do is to go to Una and Geoffrey’s Reading Week Vegan Gluten-free Lactose Intolerant Pot Luck in Earlsdon. Una and Geoffrey are my old flatmates from first year, and as Geoffrey never tires of reminding me, have known me since I was running around POP! with no clothes on (Anything But Clothes circle, obviously).

Write blog posts often to document final year of university in bid to stave off existential fear that future employment in soulless London office will crush me into middle-class stereotype

4am. Rootes. A kitchen somewhere? Una and Geoffrey’s Reading Week Vegan Gluten-free Lactose Intolerant Pot Luck was total bust, obviously. Was sat next to not unattractive Mark (from Geoffrey’s Making History seminar) but must have offended him in some way as he barely said two words to me the whole evening. Not sure why – all I did was make small-talk about Brexit and how it has affected the Jaeger importation business. Making up for wasted evening with night at Smack. Jaegerbombs don’t count as purple – bossing New Years Resolutions.

10am. Humanities. Culture and Society seminar. Didn’t do reading for seminar so have no clue what’s going on. Therefore, using time productively. May have been wrong about Mark. Turns out…

11am. Humanities café. (Large americano but craving Extra Special Hot Choc from Curio). Sorry for interruption. Was asked my opinion on reading so had to think of suitably vague and ill-informed answer. Was used as an example of a wrong opinion. Super. May have been wrong about Mark – he isn’t a Brexiteer but has had horrible experiences with Jaeger. Nothing special about that though, really.

Was sat next to not unattractive Mark (from Geoffrey’s Making History seminar) but must have offended him in some way as he barely said two words to me the whole evening

2pm. Bread Oven. (Hawaiian Special with extra cheese). Have given up pursuing useless fantasies of Medieval Literature lecturer in favour of pursuing ultra-feminist man-hating lifestyle.

2:05. Bread Oven. Was advised to look up definition of feminism. Have decided not to man-hate but remain coolly disinterested in the opposite sex. For the time being.

3pm. Curiositea. (Extra Special Hot Choc). Have just received invitation on date from Mark. Accepted, but coolly and disinterestedly.

7pm. Redfern. My room. Have decided that writing blog posts to document final year of university in bid to stave off fear that future employment in soulless London office with crush me into middle-class stereotype is in fact a middle-class stereotype. Am stopping blogging and will instead spend my free time researching trip to Africa to find myself.

Image Credits: Youtube / Creative Commons (Header)