Election Clockwatch 2016

XX:XX: Apparently The Boar’s live blogging feature has given up the ghost, so if any archaeologists discover this blog then let it be known it was a blast, and I deserved a better exit than this.

Sam out


22:37: And now the twenty year wait for Societies Officer has begun. Stay tuned folks!

22:36: “Don’t go to The Duke” – I missed the context for this. What?

22:32: “Evie dropped out, which really helped” – Ted giving us an insight into the inner workings of the political system.

22:32: 50.9% from Ted to 44.9% for Cecelia. Wow. Every vote counts, no matter what David Cameron tried to claim in the AV referendum.

22:30: Ted opening up about his exam woes. I feel you bro :'(

22:28: “If you didn’t vote for me, tell me why.” Love it.

22:26: It’s only bloody Ted Crowson!

22:26: Arob has taken to the stage to announce the winner…

22:22: Meanwhile… (nah legit what’s going on? It’s been five minutes. Give us our Sports Officer you swine!)

22:17: The sports candidates have been summoned to The Graduate, at which point one will emerge on stage victorious, and the other I imagine will be summarily executed.

22:15: Results breakdown part 2: Nat Panda won! (yeah) And RON’s now showing up with Nat’s face! He was RON the whole time! Hilarious! Live broadcasts, eh?

All jokes aside, Nat won with 86.4% of the vote, which is pretty good. Also, to you 13.6% of students out there: why you got to be so mean?

22:13: Joseph Wheatles Esq. is interviewing the Panda on stage, but I can’t hear, so here’s how I imagine it’s going: “Postgrads, yeah, we need more postgrads. Also libraries, and more workspaces.”

22:11: The latest in #shocknews: the results breakdown reveal that Nat Panda came first and RON did indeed come second. Cheers for that, WTV.

22:08: And your new (eh) Postgraduate Officer is… Nat Panda! Wow! He’s gone up on stage and done a humble speech like he didn’t know this was coming, and I think I speak for everyone in this room when I saw what an absolute shock this result has been.

22:06: Disabled Students’ Officer: Jenny Wheeler

LGBTUA+ Officer: Madi Simcock-Brown

Environment and Ethics Officer: Sam Carter

Ethnic Minorities Officer: Iranga Tcheko

Undergraduate Arts Representative: Liam Jackson

22:05: And it’s the part-time officer results! Winners, all of you!

Women’s Officer: Emma Marie

22:03: The aforementioned technical issues have manifested themselves as the mics being too quiet and everyone’s crowding close to the stage. Your poor reporter can’t really hear what’s going on, but dw, I’ll just guess the results if need be.

22:02: And we’re off! Strap in, folks, this might be a crazy one.


21:57: Election Fact #2: the amount of cardboard plastered around campus this year would stretch from campus to Didcot and back.

21:48: BREAKING NEWS The results are being delayed due to technical difficulties. This never happened when they used to gather everyone in the marketplace and read results from scrolls.

21:44: ngl, not much happening right now. Go and read a book or something, democracy fans.

21:35By the looks of things ex-presidential candidate Stanley Dodd has been enslaved by the media team and is running around setting up lights. Luke Pilot, watch out.

21:32If any of you at The Hoar steal our live blog idea I’ll fucking kill you. You’ve taken our name, this is all we have left.

21:31: Election Fact #1: over 7000 promises have been broken by election candidates since 1966. 5000 of them have involved 24 hour libraries.

21:24: Latest from InfoBoars: Wynnie and Beatty have gone over for a hug. Democracy as we know it is over folks. Thanks for joining everyone! #fivemoreyears

21:19From my vantage point in a shadowy corner of The Duck, I can spy a few ex-sabbs come to watch the democracy go forth. Lucy Gill, Bebe Husakova, Andrew Thompson, the list goes on… A conspiracy? Probably not, but it’s fun to speculate.

21:12In other news, I just witnessed someone sneeze on their arm and lick it. Democracy takes all types, folks.

21:11: The results this year are being covered by the glorious RaW and WTV, who’ve really put the effort in this year to make everything as professional as possible. Fronted by the impossibly-smoothly-voiced Joseph Wheatley and backed up by RaW’s insane tech team from the off at hustings this Monday, it’s been a top class production from start to finish (hopefully, it hasn’t all happened yet). They’ve even gone all out on the set! It’s like a low budget Jeremy Kyle!

21:05: Just want to do a shout out to my main man Luke Brown. He birthed this feature from his handloins last year, and abandoned his baby for the loftier heights of real newspapers like The Sun. Here’s looking at you, kid.

21:00It’s that time of the year again. The election signs plastered over campus have shifted from varying shades of primary colours to washed out pastels, and finally to soggy piles of something vaguely resembling cardboard after the washout on Monday night (RIP days of planning and painting, soz guys). After a week of campaigning all over the campus and doing everything in their power to annoy the shit out of literally everyone near the library, the polls are closed, and we can finally go back to ignoring people flyering for their MTW show instead. Also, the polls have literally just shut. Forgot to vote? In the words of Drake, if you’re reading this it’s too late. Great job! The big night’s being held in The Dirty Duck this year, which is a bit of a step down from The Copper Rooms if I’m being honest. Apparently Peter Hook and the Light are playing downstairs this year instead. Did Ian Curtis really die for this?

(Sorry for the low res banner at the top btw, I couldn’t find a decent version of it, even on the official SU Facebook event. Democracy inaction, amirite?)


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