First year hell: we weren’t safe in halls
TRIGGER WARNING: Violence, self-harm, and depression.
Like any other fresher, I worried about my potential flatmates. I imagined messy, angry, loud-music-playing nightmares. My fear about university life was that they wouldn’t like me; the reality was much worse.
When I first met Dan, I could tell he wasn’t the average student. On the way home from our first adult ‘big shop,’ he revealed he had a mental illness, and identified as highly functioning. He said that he had sociopathic tendencies. He said this casually, as if he had just revealed his favourite colour was blue.
On our first night out we sat around drinking and bonding with the total strangers who would slowly become our friends. Dan revealed he had never drank before, and was very particular that his first taste of vodka should be out of a plastic cup. We didn’t notice as he drank more and more – easing his social awkwardness.
He said that he had sociopathic tendencies
The boy who you had an interesting conversation with about nuclear power that afternoon was later sharpening his carving knife at the kitchen table. One minute offering you a homemade scone, the next listening outside my door while I watched a film with my boyfriend. Outside of his depressive spells, and when sober, Dan was interesting, caring, and extremely clever. At other times he said shocking statements for a reaction, like revealing, as he carved a chicken, how much he loved the feeling when the bones cracked.
At one point when I was alone with him, as he mused on suicide, I felt threatened and worried. As he idly played with his knife, I decided to act, I couldn’t take anymore. Our resident tutor wasn’t in his room, so we went to the next block’s tutor, with concern over his drinking and depression. Though the female tutor was supportive, when the issue was brought up with Dan, he messaged the entire flat asking who had betrayed him. I avoided the kitchen for a few days, worried all would be revealed.
Revealing, as he carved a chicken, how much he loved the feeling when the bones cracked
Warwick’s residential life team was one of the reasons I felt safe coming to university, but sadly they didn’t seem to be involved (apart from the odd telling off when our music was too loud). Dan’s behaviour went from bad to worse, and began to take a toll on the whole flat. If he was ignored by the flatmate on his course, he would down straight spirits and lock himself in his room.
He started drinking more, before lectures, or before going on a run – anything that he felt uncomfortable about. On the night before exams, we found ourselves up awake looking after him. One day I awoke to find the kitchen trashed, and Dan proudly presenting 40 slits on his arms – his own doing, with a serrated vegetable knife. I went to my seminar shaken and barely holding back tears, unable to forget the sore, bloody mess he’d inflicted on himself just because everyone else had gone to bed.
Warwick’s residential life team was one of the reasons I felt safe coming to university, but sadly they didn’t seem to be involved
Where was our tutor when my neighbour had found him? Not answering his doorbell. On a Wednesday night, Nightline was annoyingly shut. We felt alone, carrying the weight of his problems on our own shoulders, with no help from the tutors, despite our constant complaints.
The final straw came as he threatened to stab someone, then pleasure himself with their dead body. He then started to look up the times of trains that he could jump in front of. We gathered in shock, in tears but determined, and bullet-pointed his actions, threats, and quotes. It covered three pages. When we took it to the senior warden he couldn’t quite believe it.
We felt alone, carrying the weight of his problems on our own shoulders, with no help from the tutors
Though, behind the scenes, the Residential Life Team had discussed Dan, it seemed they had forgotten we were living with him. We were promised information to help deal with his behaviour, yet it never got sent. I wish I could say we all lived happily ever after in a slightly messy student kitchen. However, Dan began to target individuals, one time manipulating me by messaging “tell the university to get off my back and I won’t kill myself tonight, just for you.” As I hysterically panicked, I felt like I had no one to talk to, or any support.
Fortunately, our problem disappeared overnight. After going against the advice of his councillor, Dan drank at an SU event. Someone called security after Dan threatened them, and he was too drunk to be manipulative, and instead turned aggressive. The police eventually got involved, and he was taken away in an ambulance. The university finally came through on their promise to evict him from our residences after another incident. This all happened a few weeks before our end of year exams.
Messaging “tell the university to get off my back and I won’t kill myself tonight, just for you.”
I can’t help but wonder if, had our tutor reacted differently in the first few weeks, then Dan’s problems may not have reached the severity they did. Though I cannot fault Student Support, who were lovely in a one-to-one meeting after the incident, the help available was nowhere near enough. Students have enough to worry about with their own studies and issues, without feeling like a carer for another.
I honestly wouldn’t change my flat allocation one bit, and I’m glad that Dan had the support from our flat, even though we were nowhere near qualified to properly help him. We were told over and over that it wasn’t down to us to help him, but I wondered who was supposed to help.
We were told over and over that it wasn’t down to us to help him, but I wondered who was supposed to help
There has been so much done this year to raise money for MIND and promote awareness of mental health on campus, but until support systems like the Residential Life Teams get clued up on helping mentally ill students, we will continue to feel unsupported in the very place we should feel safest.
If you have been affected by any of the issues on this page, then you can contact;
Warwick Student Support services or Luke Pilot, SU Welfare Officer
The Samaritans – 116 123
Comments (9)
I am at Warwick at the moment and the Residential Life Team is still as bad.
The Samaritans have a branch in Earlsdon, which is (reasonably) convenient from campus. They also offer support by email, which can be helpful if, e.g., you have social anxiety.
Nightline I only have second-hand experience of. Based on that I’d say if you even slightly think it might help, it’s worth giving it a go. But don’t get disillusioned if it’s not useful. These services can only do so much.
Samaritans I have a lot of experience of: I am one. And I’d tentatively say the same. Samaritans do a lot of good, but there are always calls that just don’t really work out. It doesn’t hurt to try, and could be enormously helpful. If it’s not, the next time might be. And if it turns out to not be able to give you the help you need, there are still so many more options.
About the university’s counselling service… they’re squeezed down to giving really inadequate numbers of sessions. Counselling is a great thing, and definitely worth going to, but if you look into counselling via the university check how many times they’re going to see you, and with what regularity. 6+ and weekly is really what works.
In my experience? It might be better skipping the university counselling and getting on the NHS list earlier. The NHS wait list is ‘just’ a couple of months around here:
http://www.covwarkpt.nhs.uk/iapt/pages/default.aspx
That’s still a while, so to anyone reading this I recommend this philosophy: try to book counselling a month before you need it. Is that impossible? Yeah, but you might find yourself saying “it’s not so bad” for weeks and putting it off. You can always cancel a few weeks in advance if you don’t need it, and hell, doing that might make it easier for them to fit in really critical, last minute spaces… you’re doing the world a favour asking for counselling early!
Personally, I have quite a different story with regards to support at the university for my mental health problems…. Although, I wonder if that is only because I am at a stage in my illness where I understand the need to be proactive. For instance, a week before my course even started, I was e-mailing the mental health and wellbeing team and was then assigned a mental health coordinator (who is wonderful and willing to meet with me when I need to, or reply to rant-y e-mails). Also, my supervisor is particularly interested in well-being from a research perspective, so they have been very understanding and accepting (although I would still rather speak to my mental health coordinator).
To anyone who is struggling to get support within the university, please please try other avenues. For instance, your GP can refer you to more intensive counselling or therapy than the university’s counselling service can offer. Or, instead of Nightline (where the volunteers are all students, remember), try the Samaritans (also available 24/7, so not restricted to evening calls). I’ve found in the past that actually going into the Samaritans’ office to have a talk is useful – it totally takes you out of whatever environment you’re struggling in. They also have more training around how to help, and the possibility of calling someone who could help more. Plus, remember that you don’t have to be feeling suicidal to contact the Samaritans!
I agree with the previous comment. The help for mental health is very bad. When i felt af my worst i had to wait ages for a one off counselling appointment. Theh dont offer them weekly and ive had 2 this whole year. I called nightline once and found it very unhelpful and generic. I agree that there is not enough help here.
As someone who suffered very severely from mental health issues in the first year (though luckily for my housemates was determined to keep smiling for others), it’s reassuring to see that someone else is disappointed with Warwick’s ‘pastoral care’. Whilst I could have managed perfectly fine with the help of a counsellor or tutor, I ended up falling into the worst period of depression, anxiety and anorexia that I’ve ever had. My resident tutor was next to useless, the counselling services offered one appointment per month, and my tutor was wholly unsympathetic and barely interested. Whilst the university certainly excels in the academic field, the support they offer to those suffering from poor mental health is astoundingly bad, and the amplified awareness seems to have hardly helped. I eventually had to leave the university, as I wasn’t coping and had no other options. I’m very glad that someone has highlighted this issue, because it affects so many students and can make living in halls absolute hell.
We enned up with a housemate with sociopathic tendencies in a private accommodation. Our landlord noticed very quickly the issues we had been having with that student and tried to talk to him. He told us he would kick the guy out in one month, but first he wanted to give him some time to improve. Our life with him was pretty much a nightmare. We contacted the Student support and ask for advice how to handle the situation especially because the guy was very manipulative, he was stealing etc. The Student support said the situation was probably a consequence of our cultural differences. Thanks for that. Next time when someone commits a crime against me, I’ll remember that it’s just a cultural thing
Went through a very similar experience in my first year. Won’t say when/which hall or name names. But it was traumatic for all of us in the block. Lots of blood, numerous suicide attempts, aggression and alcoholism. And there was nowhere NEAR enough support for them or for us – no matter how many times we asked for it. By the time proper action was taken, the year was pretty much over.
I thought ours was a pretty isolated incident, but after reading this, clearly there is a larger systemic issue whereby not enough assistance is offered. Things really have to change support-wise.
just are never willing to call the Police*
I feel one of the problems with Warwick is that people just are willing to call the Police, even when threatened directly. Warwick Security, and Warwick Life Teams are not Police and do not have the authority the Police have to ensure safety of both the aggressor and those he is threatening.
The Residential Life Team need to be much faster at calling Police when dealing with criminal behaviour [for whatever underlying reason.], reluctance to call the Police has been an issue at Warwick since at least 2009.