The Relationship Disagreement

Is Sheldon Cooper right after all? Reece Goodall says yes…

Love – what a strange thing. I find myself yearning for it and for someone to love, yet the actual idea of being with someone is a bit of a nuisance. Spending a daft amount of time caring for someone and showering them with affection aplenty is not my sort of thing. This is what a relationship tells me I must do, and I’m not a fan. Can there be a compromise – can I be with someone without the hassle?

being blessed with a face like mine – a sort-of cross between a dank haunted cave and a miserable walnut…

Step forward Dr Sheldon Cooper. The Big Bang Theory’s breakout character is an awkward asexual man, but has been with his girlfriend Amy for a number of seasons, and they are quite happy. Sheldon is a man who dislikes the whole idea of a traditional relationship, finds physical contact repulsive and spending time with his partner is something to be tolerated rather than enjoyed. What is his secret? Simply, he and Amy have signed a contract, detailing their responsibilities towards each other, the dates they will take, when they will kiss – everything up to what they would do if there was an intelligent dog uprising. Not conventional, no, but the more I think about it, the more I think it is a good idea.
Half of this stems from the fact that a traditional romance does not play to my strengths. I find romantic conventions quite daft, to be frank. Take flowers – they’re pointless, not particularly nice to look at or to smell and they’re dead within a week. Having to spend a lot of time in quick succession with another person, no matter how much I like them, will make me get fed up of them – I am an easily bored person, and I find the conversation dries up, leading to the need to plug the gap with random nothings, doing things I would do alone but with the burden of another human there, making it more miserable as we both grow to hate each other. And being blessed with a face like mine – a sort-of cross between a dank haunted cave and a miserable walnut – makes dating somewhat difficult to say the least.

Which leads me to regard their agreement in quite a positive light – it dictates how their relationship functions and works for both of them. It stops dating being difficult. Throughout the show they are often mocked by the other characters, but it is indisputable that their relationship is the strongest in the series. Although there is clearly some element of physical attraction between them, making a union that is reliant on their personalities and shared affection for each other rather than solely the physicality is a much better foundation.

…it shows that you care if you take the time and make the effort to fulfil those stipulations.

The ideas here are sound ones. At the very start, if you have any particular bugbears or issues, you can compromise early. I would include something like excessive physical affection (not a fan of excess anyway – it’s for children and Americans – and I hate the idea of losing half an hour of my day to kissing) or my partner and I would work on amending the point until we had a happy medium. It’s all about working together.

Signing a contract is a sign of commitment and that you’re happy to do it. It means you know what your partner wants you to put into the relationship, and it shows that you care if you take the time and make the effort to fulfil those stipulations. I can appreciate that what I have written is not particularly romantic, but all-in-all, I think it works a lot better than the traditional model of a relationship. Two people who love each other, working together to sculpt something that they can both be happy with makes it more likely that their relationship will be more stable.

I know he’d be the first to say it, but it seems that Dr Sheldon Cooper is the smartest of us all.

Spontaneity is essential, argues Anushae Fecto…

To me, love is something driven by emotion and not rationality. It cannot and should not be planned. A relationship agreement, like Sheldon and Amy’s on The Big Bang Theory, can only work if both parties are asexual, utterly non-romantic, and, frankly, control freaks.

Taking spontaneity out of a relationship would take away its essence and turn it into a boring and forced partnership…

Spontaneity is the best part of being in love, making random plans to go out for dinner at odd hours, or spending all day in bed cuddled up with the TV on. Affection is a huge part of a relationship, and showing affection impulsively is what makes being in love so sweet. None of this would be possible if there is a relationship agreement dictating when you can and cannot go out to eat or when you can and cannot be physical or show affection. Taking spontaneity out of a relationship would take away its essence and turn it into a boring and forced partnership – which you may not even be able to terminate depending on the clauses you have put in!

At what point after dating someone would you bring it up?

How would this relationship agreement even work? At what point after dating someone would you bring it up? You would have already had to be in an exclusive relationship to bring it up and most probably, if you did, the person in question would think you are insane and opt out. In the far-fetched scenario, assuming someone has actually agreed to this absurd idea, it would be impossible for both parties to be entirely happy with everything in the agreement, and instead of being a completely fair compromise one person would always be slightly dissatisfied. In The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon is often seen getting his way. The relationship agreement benefits him more than it does Amy. She often feels restricted due to it and, although she sometimes has an input in the clauses, Sheldon, due to his overly stubborn, often childish character, is seen as the main drafter of the agreement. She is often seen yearning for Sheldon’s love and affection, and in one episode even has to fake being ill so Sheldon will take care of her. Faking a fever and asking Sheldon to rub balm on her chest, is the only way she can trick her asexual boyfriend to be somewhat intimate.

In our lives we already have enough rules and regulations to follow…

Sheldon and Amy only go on ‘date night’ once a week, have never had sex, and rarely ever show affection. Amy is not too happy about this. She is seen in many episode giving Sheldon hints about wanting to get physical and often includes sexual innuendo in her speech (which her ‘genius’ scientist boyfriend, who has trouble both understanding sarcasm and reading between the lines, usually cannot even decipher). He is often unaware when he has upset Amy, and does not realize that she feels restricted due to the relationship agreement. Though the agreement does work for them overall, it is not ideal for Amy. She only agreed to it so she could be with Sheldon, who would not have been comfortable being in a relationship that has no signed contracts – the guy has a signed contract for everything, he has a ‘roommate agreement’ a ‘ who sits on the couch when agreement’ and is obsessed with drawing up contracts that mainly only benefit him. His close friends agree to just to pacify him, and later finding ways to go around it, or trick him.

In our lives we already have enough rules and regulations to follow; love is one of the few things in this world that we should not have to control. A relationship should not be restrictive but should be sculpted over time, allowing for spontaneity and affection.