From a male perspective: Clothes Shopping

Reece Goodall gives us an insight into the terrifying world of shopping, according to guys…

I understand that some people find clothes shopping a pleasant experience but I cannot abide it. It’s a task I undertake with incredible reluctance – usually managing to avoid it by having clothes bulk-bought for me at Christmas (yes, I have many identical copies of the same T-shirts).

It’s far too easy to spend far too much on clothes. I went into Primark the other day, and was bemused by the price of socks – I’m being charged a ludicrous amount for a simple piece of fabric and some elastic – and these are the cheap ones. The more high-end you go, the higher the price shoots, even though you get, to my eyes, exactly the same product. At a friend’s recent 18th party, she told me how pleased she was that her dress had only cost £120. There’s no way that was value for money – I’ve seen more material on a net.

Photo: Joe Shlabotnik/Flickr

I’m also confused by the whole sizing thing. Asking for assistance when clothes shopping is something to be avoided at all costs, because you are inevitably asked if you know what size you are. Well I would know, if sizes were consistent in every shop. I didn’t think that the width of an inch was open to interpretation, but obviously I was wrong. The sizing issue, however, only matters on the off chance that the shop actually stocks sizes which fit the average male human. Looking for a shirt in the Boxing Day sales, I was given the choice of sizes XS and XXXXL. In case you’re unfamiliar, these are the appropriate sizes for dressing a Ken doll and a circus tent.

Like most males, I buy clothes with functionality in mind. People spend hours in clothes shops, contemplating which shade of red the poncho would look better in. I honestly can’t understand this level of indecision. Just choose one, and leave. I seriously worry about the amount of their life people spend agonizing over such trivial matters.

In case you’re unfamiliar, these are the appropriate sizes for dressing a Ken doll and a circus tent.

This, of course, is all when I’m shopping alone. But all in all, it’s tolerable enough because I can get in and out fairly quickly. Add a female to the equation, and the ordeal goes on for an almost exponentially increasing amount of time. I don’t mean to generalize, but in my case, this is usually my sister (although I once went with a friend for what I thought was a date and wound up hiding in a dress rack when her boyfriend turned up). She will find what she wants straight away, but then needs to compare it to every similar article in every shop within a five mile radius before returning to the shop to buy it.

I quite understand the need to clothes shop, but I wish it wasn’t the experience that it is – an arduous slog, designed to torment anyone who takes part. If you need to go any time soon, I wish you luck.