Credit: European Parliament

Farage, misunderstood

It’s not easy being right. For all its commitment to values and improving the lives of the common man, politics really just boils down to placating the masses and maybe solving a few problems along the way. So what if the parties got together to legalise gay marriage? And who really cares about economic recovery?

Don’t be fooled people, Westminster elitists are just throwing wool in your eyes to distract you from what really matters. The truth, the real truth, is that Britain is losing its identity. After centuries of being the nation that imposed its nationhood onto the less fortunate, this proud country is now on the verge of becoming swamped with outsiders.

Take this article as an excellent example – I’m not British but I am still able to take the slot of a much more deserving, hard-working, local author in a reputed university publication. If that doesn’t outrage you, then you clearly have not been paying attention to those charming UKIP leaflets that are painstakingly being distributed throughout the country right now.

The truth of the matter is that seasoned politicians are the reason this country is going downhill so quickly. We need a fresh face, someone who would defy the trend of globalisation and demand a stricter, more isolated Britain. We need a man who is willing to get ridiculously drunk with us in the pub before going to vote, sod propriety. We need someone to point out the undesirables in society without the need to worry about political correctness, coherence or human decency. We need Nigel Farage.

The Camerons, the Cleggs and the Milibands of the world are too busy not offending people to really be honest about the problems plaguing this country. They are far too busy with meaningless projects that just look good on paper, like NHS reform (who needs it really?), taxation schemes (so much paperwork!), and international crises (Britain doesn’t rule it anymore, why bother?).

In the meantime, billions of hard-earned Pounds are being sent over to Bongo-Bongo Land, people with strange complexions are able to come here and take all the jobs, and legal matters need to live up to outrageous humane standards. Norway and Switzerland are not part of the EU and they are doing just fine. Sure, people would probably point out that they still have to abide by EU rules without having any say in how they are made, but that’s just being pedantic.

I suppose there are some benefits to being part of the EU, of course. Being able to freely work and live in other parts of the world can be nice. The country does get millions of jobs because globally recognised manufacturers like Airbus feel confident about situating their production here because of the guaranteed standards and market openness. And yes, the number of substantial laws decided solely in Brussels isn’t as high as some might have you think, especially for everyday things like taxes and whatnot.

But none of that really matters when you know that people who have no right to speak English better than you are swooping in through the borders every day and proving how incompetent you can be! Think about it. With Farage at the helm, Britain would return to its Victorian heydays. No longer would it have to be shamed about being “racist” or “homophobic” or “bigoted”. What has this world come to if a man cannot make outrageous, sweeping comments about entire groups of people without having to be educated about what it is really like?

Farage has very clear goals. While other parties are out there trying to hide their flip-flopping behind eloquent speeches, he is steering UKIP in a very specific direction. Granted, this direction might be based on a distinct lack of knowledge about the world, but the expression clearly states ignorance is bliss. You can’t get clearer than that.

At the end of this piece, I would like to apologise for my rather unusual sense of humour and make it very clear that Nigel Farage has none of my support or sympathies. He is a particularly unsavoury individual and if I were to bump into him on the street, the result would not be pleasant. Then again, it is likely that he will try to have me deported so maybe I won’t have to worry about that anyway.

Comments (2)

  • Patrick Gearon

    So, what are your solutions to UKIP other than shaking at the knees should you meet Farage in the street?. I hear no solution, just more protest, scorn and ridicule as if you, as a non British person with no skin in the game, count. Well you don’t count do you, unless you can point the way to counter his direction. Now that would be worth hearing about and give some merit to your academic posting. Otherwise stop wasting tax payers’ money.

    • Sarika Chowdhury

      Clearly, this is a satiricial piece, but the solution is actually right there. Stop believing in Farage’s lies and vote rationally. The fact that you are accusing the writer of wasting the tax payer’s money is proof enough you have bought his tripe. I am a UK citizen but I have helped with international student orientations myself and I know that they do not take a single penny from tax money. They pay for their own education completely, plus lodging and food. Some might qualify for scholarships but those are given out on a (a) merit basis and (b) from private funds such as donors or university money. Students (and migrant workers) cannot even access free NHS healthcare unless they have been living here for at least 6 months – and bear in mind that the money spent in taxes for those services would have been the same without any migrants in the nation. Speaking of whom, migrant workers spend the most tax and reap the least benefits statistically speaking, while also comprising most of the “dirty labour” force and the low-paying positions in the NHS. Finally, do not dare to presume that an individual has no right and no skin in the game. To suggest that just because someone isn’t British means they cannot express an opinion is narrow-minded and insulting.

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