Hear my voice: You are never ever alone

University is supposed to be the happiest times of our lives. Plenty of opportunities to pursue what makes us happy freedom from parents, the ability to make our rooms as messy as we like, and the chance to make new friends for life. For so many of us however, university is not happy. In fact, for some of us a variety of intruding factors make it unbearable.

Before continuing I feel I should tell you about myself – ironic perhaps as this article is anonymous. I have struggled with self-harming on-and-off for a few years. I thought I had beaten it, not cutting between late-2012 and the start of 2014. Regrettably this term has demonstrated that scars never fade. I have cut more frequently and deeper than ever before, and have actively contemplated suicide; I was hospitalised earlier this term for attempted suicide, and am worried it will happen again. Now I am cutting on a daily basis, unable to sleep or have an appetite without it. My work has suffered, and despite the university being accommodating over deadlines I am concerned about my academic future.

If you want to help come and talk to me. I cut myself, not others. But I am not a side show attraction for you to stare and gawp at.

Self harming, and the accompanying endorphin rush, however is only a temporary relief from the underlying issues. The best and most enduring relief I have found is friends. Sadly, in my experience most people are unable to understand suicidal thoughts or the compulsion to self harm. I have lost count of the number of friends who I have fallen out with or who disappeared quickly when I confided in them for support certainly some just didn’t care – I don’t care about them now either. Others though just didn’t know how to respond. I encourage those people, or anyone who knows somebody self-harming, to do whatever they can to show us that you care. You don’t even have to address the injuries. Ask if we’d like to get a coffee, see a movie, or talk and that might make us feel loved enough to not self-harm that day. Far too many times I have felt alone and isolate, despite the reality that people do care they just simply have felt unsure about what to say.

Loss of friends is not the only social problem I struggle with on a daily basis. As an avid marathon and ultra-distance runner, I frequently train at the gym. There is no worse feeling I have encountered than training or
changing and noticing someone constantly glancing at any uncovered scars and cuts. To those people: I know they look bad. I know they are there. If you want to help come and talk to me. I cut myself, not others. But I am not a side show attraction for you to stare and gawp at. Show some consideration to someone who is clearly unhappy, and doesn’t need more reasons to hate themselves.

Hopefully this has provided anyone suffering as I am with some advice. You’re not alone. People do care.

Despite it being woefully hypocritical for someone who is currently self-harming multiple times a day to advise on coping, if my experiences at trying can help anyone it’s worth mentioning. The preventatives contain two aspects: distraction and people. Regarding distractions, it can be anything you enjoy. Playing a video game, reading a book or, as I am, writing an article for the Boar finding something which can preoccupy and immerse you completely is essential.

The second criterion is people. Naturally, activities with friends will cheer you up and distract you the most; I attended the Varsity Ice Hockey match with friends. Self-harming and its effects tend to isolate oneself, and it can be difficult to find someone at all hours even if you have a well established support network. If that’s the case, get yourself around other people. You are far less likely to self-harm if you are in a public place, even if you are not interacting with others. Hopefully this has provided anyone suffering as I am with some advice. You’re not alone. People do care. I do, and others in your life care as well. I have included some helpful links below – these sites have helped save my life and I hope they might yours. I end this article with a dedication to those who support me and have refused to give up on me even when I have.I wouldn’t be alive if not for you. I am sorry for the pain I have, and continue, to cause you. http://www.depression-chat-rooms.org & http://insteadofcutting.tumblr.com

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