Why Tom Daley’s Video IS a Big Deal

Coming out is a difficult decision, even in accepting countries like the UK. Regardless of whether the reaction towards it is positive or not, life is never the same again. For an increasingly larger number of people worldwide, it is happily a decision with little or no repercussions.When Tom Daley came out last week, he was fortunate enough to say that those closest to him were treating him no differently.

Even the members of Tom’s family who had “mixed reactions” seemed to be debating the merits of him making his private life public rather than being hostile towards him. The most conflicted account seemed to be from his grandparents who released a statement saying they were surprised because he had been going out with girls before, but they were still happy for him. And while the internet naturally spewed a certain amount of vitriol, the overwhelming majority of people were pleased on his behalf. If anything, the most common response seemed to be, good on you mate but nowadays it really doesn’t matter.

People are saying how great it is for LGBTQ+ youth to have a world famous Olympian as a role model. I want to say how great it is for LGBTQ+ youth to have someone their own age as a role model.

Except, it really does. When I chose to come out as gay to my parents, it was not a particularly happy discussion. Tears, questions of what they did wrong while they blamed each other, and repeated admonitions to see if I could fix it were the order of the day. Given the fact that I come from a part of the world where homosexuality is still a crime and anyone who is out or outed faces the risk of physical retaliations, often from their own family, I thought their reactions were actually quite measured.

Once my parents had gotten used to the idea that I would not be bringing them a future daughter-in-law, a situation which took them over a year to get to, the next thing they wanted to know is whether people who are not heterosexual could be successful in their lives without facing extreme prejudice. Basically, they were asking if I could point to any success stories.

While I was able to answer their question with quite a few examples, one thing kept coming back. None of the people I mentioned were young. Not a single one was in their twenties, let alone any teenagers. From that moment on, my parents had a new fear; what would happen if I came out in public at such a young age? Would it spell the end of my education? Any future career choices? The chance at a normal life? Which brings me back to Tom Daley. If I had been able to point out even one person my age who was confident enough to be out about their sexuality while still continuing to pursue their dreams uninterrupted, my parents would not have had to carry that paralysing anxiety – and remind me of it almost daily – for the past three years.

Tom Daley has given me hope.

People are saying how great it is for LGBTQ+ youth to have a world famous Olympian as a role model. I want to say how great it is for LGBTQ+ youth to have someone their own age as a role model. Thousands of us around the world have been bullied all our lives for simply being less than completely masculine. Coming to terms with our sexuality is one of the most difficult things to do; I cannot count on my two hands the number of times I attempted to end it all instead of trying to face it, once as recently as a week before I came out.

If that difficulty is overcome, we then have to decide whether we want to live with it alone or dare telling someone, knowing very well that they could quite easily turn us out of our own homes. And when we do decide to take someone into our confidence, we have to point to people who are far older than us, people who were able to plan out their lives before having to address anything in public, who faced no less prejudices and heartbreaks and disappointments than us, but who we could never really use as the perfect balm to sooth our loved ones’ fears.

Tom Daley has given me hope. I know that if I were nineteen years old now and telling my parents all over again, I would be doing it with a lot more confidence. I know that others who are choosing to take that step now are able to do it with a lighter load on their shoulders. If anything, I am at least able to tell my parents that their three years of concern can finally be put to rest.

Of course, there is a lot more to the story than just a boy from Asia getting closure. The video has sparked debate for a variety of reasons. For one thing, Tom never uses any words to describe his sexuality, making us (thankfully) acknowledge the fact that anyone who does not fit into a neat little box can point to an Olympic hero as an inspiration. Homosexuality is no longer taboo, but social expectations still fit specific labels. Whether or not Tom actually defines himself as bisexual – something he does not address and should not have to – is beside the point; his video opens up doors for a repressed minority within a minority to finally address their own lives.

Social expectations still fit specific labels. Whether or not Tom actually defines himself as bisexual – something he does not address and should not have to – is beside the point

There has been some discussion too regarding the nature of his coming out. While no media outlets have been critical of his decision, some commentators have pointed out that his choice to do a video confessional was perhaps a little calculated rather than being purely emotional. They point to Tom being part of the “X Factor generation” of media savvy celebrities who knows how to play to his strengths. Some of them said a letter or written statement might have been more appropriate, as it would not create the illusion of being natural when it really was not.

While a longer response to these claims would be preferable, I can still say this. I am willing to accept that Tom spoke to someone from his management team before making the video public, meaning it was not completely unrehearsed. This does not make it any less sincere or meaningful. The facts are still there and, at the end of the day, the result is the same. Tom Daley is open about who he is.

When I saw the headlines on BBC Monday morning, I was genuinely ecstatic, something the news has unable to make me feel in far too long. Tom has helped me in my long road to acceptance. And he has given hope to a whole new generation of oppressed children and teenager around the world. For that, I am and forever will be grateful.

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Our anonymous writer would like to offer a further disclaimer to their article.

I realise that speaking about the bravery of someone coming out and being honest while choosing to remain anonymous myself constitutes a certain level of hypocrisy. However, while I am fortunate enough to be “out” to my friends here in the UK and to my parents back home, I am not in a position to be completely open to everyone else I know. I beg the reader to not consider my argument any less heartfelt because of this decision.

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Header Image Courtesy of Flickr.com/ MegMoggington