I came, I saw, I consumed

The French love their food (it’s hard to draw a different conclusion), but I was amazed at their willingness to queue for its cause. I assumed that queuing is a British behavioralism, yet on my recent weekend away the Parisian patience outdid that of us Brits on several occasions.

At the authentic and popular restaurant Chez Gladines, they have natural advantage: a lifetime of nurturing the late dinner. On the first night, we were too ravenous to stand the wait for the famous dinner venue, and were forced to return (much earlier) the next evening for a second go.

At Ladurée – the brasserie and delicatessen famed for its fashionable macarons – we queued for 45 minutes for afternoon tea. At the opposite end of the culinary spectrum we considered queuing an hour for the highest ranked Falafel in Paris at L’As du Falafel, but were deterred by the bitterly cold wind, scurrying instead to the ominous King Falafel Palace a few doors down, in the Jewish Quarter. I came away convinced that we’d spent a lot of time and money on what was a glorified kebab (and I would hardly consider Vialli’s fine dining).
The one place we didn’t queue for was a small restaurant serving contemporary French cuisine called Les Deux Cigales. Dining now to a continental schedule we waltzed in at ten-ish with no complaints from the owners, who proposed we made an ambitious order of steak tartare … it was a worthy experience. I only suffered from short bouts of regret before convincing myself that it looked no different to pulsated tomatoes. The main upset of the stomach came when this kooky café-bar packaged us off with some particularly sour pseudo-Haribo, which somewhat unsettled my sensitive stomach.

So, after my adventurous weekend eating my way around the capital, I recommend:

Avoiding the queue with a crepe – great for on the go:

Cost: Cheap (between €2 and €7), with plenty of fillings.
My Parisian pal recommended chocolate and banana, but we all went mad for Speculoos, which is the spreadable version of the classic European caramel biscuit.
Location: Anywhere you want one!

Afternoon tea at Ladurée – the classy macaron place:

Cost: Afternoon Tea is €16 a head.
This includes four mini macarons which I’d suggest selecting coconut, raspberry or salted caramel. Avoid the more delicate flavours, which are elegant but underwhelming. For a desert-styled bite, choose L’Ispahan, which is a rose-flavoured macaron sandwiched together with rose cream centre and raspberries and lychees. To wash these sweet things down, try the Marie-Antoinette tea, it’s so appropriate! They also offer a curious variety of flavoured coffees and hot chocolates if you’re a sacrilegious tea-hater.
Location: 16 Rue Royale.

Lunch at La Deux Cigales:

Cost: €15 for a main, and wine is almost as affordable as you’ll see in Paris.
Because us Brits like a cold lunch and a hot dinner, be adventurous and try the steak tartare. It’s a trusty restaurant and the sides of bold green salads, ratatouille and sautéed potatoes make for a worthy accomplice, (or good distraction) from the mountain of blended raw meat before you.
Comments: a mint may have gone down better to finish.
Location: 8 Rue Bréa

Dinner at Chez Gladines:

Cost: For €78, four of us shared twelve snails (starter), had an main course that was so large it was deemed unconquerable, a bottle of red and a coffee.
For wholesome Basque food, I’d recommend the duck in Roquefort sauce, steak with peppercorns, and a voluminous salad. The snails come sizzling and de-shelled in pockets of garlic jus. Manageable and embarrassment-free for the novice.
Comments: salads are swimming in dressing (not necessarily a bad thing!)
Location: 30 Rue des 5 Diamants.

Budget for the weekend per person: €100 (all – unsurprisingly – on food and wine, and the odd metro ticket to cart you between establishments.)