How to cope long distance

Everybody has a different spin on how to make a long distance relationship run as smoothly as possible. There are numerous websites dedicated to this subject (I kid you not. Google it. One even offers his and hers bracelets if that’s your sort of thing) and up until very recently this type of relationship was merely a phenomenon to me.

We’ve all given advice on the matter even if we’ve not experienced it first hand, throwing “you’ll get through it” and other such statements around without a second thought, secretly thankful that our significant other is on campus and we’re not in their shoes. I was one of the smug ones, glad to have found someone and glad that they lived upstairs.
Then my boyfriend decided to do a year in California. I suddenly felt that any advice I was given was the same as that in the break up handbook or worse, the bereavement talk. I had numerous friends tell me to “keep busy to keep your mind off things” and that it was “ok to cry”. I half expected somebody to ask if I wanted to read the eulogy at the service.

Some people choose to put their relationship to rest once distance is involved but I was not giving up that easy. Yes, there is currently a large ocean between us, but better the Atlantic than buried 6 feet under. Admittedly I am no expert on the matter, having only a few weeks experience, but I thought giving advice to others might help. If nothing else, feel happy that your significant other is only in Aberystwyth University (other far away universities are available) and not an 11-hour flight and 8 hours time difference away. Not that I’m asking for your sympathy or anything…

1. Routine.
The Obamas have a date night so why can’t you? As much as you both live separate lives and never know when a night out or an essay will creep up on you there is still need for some sort of schedule. Yes, romance is about spontaneity and being whisked off your feet but better a scheduled Skype call than sitting by your desk for a whole evening waiting for them to ‘surprise’ you with a call. Be prepared for a few cancelations every now and again but having a vague concept of when they’ll ring will allow you to get on with your day.

2. Short and sweet.
As I’ve explained above, peoples’ lives are never in sync so trying to pencil in a three-hour window to dissect your week is near impossible. Sometimes it’s nicer to have a quick five-minute conversation every day than a gargantuan Skype once in a blue moon. More than anything it feels like nothing has changed and you’re just ringing for a quick chat before you see them later.

3. Don’t become this decades Glenn Close.
Don’t be a Bunny Boiler. As much as technology has helped sustain long distance relationships it can also be the enemy. There’s checking their Facebook and there’s scrutinising their every friend request, photo and event invite. Having in-depth knowledge of their every move will not keep you together; it will drive you to insanity and a potential restraining order being taken out against you. Pace yourself.

4. Plan things.
Sometimes planning things in advance can be scary. It’s horrible to have to consider how far in advance you can book a train ticket just in case things fizzle out but having something nice to look forward to on the calendar can help you get through tougher times.

5. Give in to your emotions.
There is nothing wrong in having a good cry every now and again. You’re not kidding anyone when you say you’re fine because it’s going to catch up with you eventually. This is not a sign of weakness. Remember this pretentious quote when you feel like the only people who truly understand your pain are Ben and Jerry: “For a tear is an intellectual thing” (William Blake).

6. Tell them how you feel.
It’s important to stay strong and have normal, cheerful conversations but it’s equally important to make sure that they know you still feel the same. When your stomach goes woozy (a technical term for the butterflies and washing machine feeling you get whilst thinking of them) send them a little text or email containing those all important words and you’ll be sure to make their day. Just don’t over do it (see number 3 above).

7. Send love letters.
Sometimes it’s hard to be soppy on webcam (especially if you’re a boy) so what better way to express yourself than the good old-fashioned way. Tried and tested by soldiers and princesses throughout the ages, declare your love permanently by putting pen to paper, spraying your signature scent and sealing it with a kiss. That being said, sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words, if you catch my drift…