William is not exactly the boy next door

Friday 29 April 2011, 11am. The eagerly anticipated Royal Wedding is imminent. I sit on the edge of my seat, waiting with bated breath, as I switch the channel to watch an American sitcom on E4. It appears that the nation came to a standstill at this point, with over 24 million Brits tuning into the coverage of the service, rejoicing over the union of our King and Queen to be and professing to feel ‘proud to be British’.

Well, I felt no pride. If anything, the cynic in me felt nothing but disgust at the hype and hysteria surrounding the event, from the tacky memorabilia in shops to the enthusiasts camping overnight in order to secure the best spot to catch a split-second glance at the happy couple. Am I the only one asking myself: why are the British so attached to their monarchy?

The primary argument that I seem to be faced with is that as Head of State, the Queen is the representative for our nation, with William and Kate to follow in her footsteps. This concept is both illogical and overly reliant on a rose-tinted view of our monarchy. Amidst cuts and anti-government protests, in a climate of banker-bashing and Clegg-hating, we are constantly faced with the accusation that our Eton-educated MPs do not represent the views of the everyman, and I couldn’t agree more.

Nevertheless, these unrepresentative MPs were democratically elected as spokespeople for the nation. In other words, we decided that they could best represent our views, albeit with MPs chosen from a narrow selection of middle-class toffs. If MPs are so unpopular because of their lack of awareness of, or interest in, the wishes of the majority, why is the nation suddenly clamouring to worship our monarchy? Nobody could be less representative of our views than someone who has not only failed to be chosen by the people to represent the state, but also who even has no choice whatsoever in the matter themselves.

The monarchy is allegedly unbiased and ‘above politics’, yet failing to invite Blair and Brown to the wedding was a petty manifestation of the monarchy’s evident conservative bias, and the ceremony was overtly Christian in its content. This is curious, considering the fact that the discredited Labour party still managed to gain 29 percent of votes in the 2010 elections and that only 12 percent of British people even belong to a Church.

In one single day, William and Kate succeeded in alienating a considerable section of the British population: are they truly the best representatives for our nation, or are we merely clinging on to tradition and failing to recognise the benefits of, for example, a democratic system of electing a more appropriate Head of State? It appears that our obsession with the monarchy and the deluded belief that they epitomise all that is ‘British’ is clouding our judgment.

This has gone so far as to rejoice in the fact that William has supposedly married a ‘commoner’. Of course, I’m sure that is something that most of us common folk can boast. Despite her social standing, the Queen has unsurprisingly taken the traditional approach of refusing to grant Kate the title of Princess Catherine. If the Royal Family continues to insist on remaining loyal to all that is traditional, will the views of those who actually desire to live by the conventions of the 21st century ever be represented?

While I bear no ill feeling towards William and Kate themselves on their wedding day, I still cannot help but think that the admiration of the masses is misplaced. I certainly don’t feel that the Eton-educated (sound familiar?) William, Duke of Cambridge, has a great deal in common with little old me, and I highly doubt he is desperate to hear my take on how society should function either.

Before anyone tries to trick me into feeling guilty for my grumpiness in not celebrating the wedding of someone whom I would never be given the opportunity to meet, spare me the royalist nonsense and face up to reality: the royal family are nothing like you.

Unless William and Kate are planning to turn up to your family celebrations, it might be time to find your own wedding to go to. And preferably one which doesn’t cost the taxpayer you ‘represent’ £20 million.