A Royal Alliance to Remember

Ivory satin. Deep neckline. Lace sleeves. Full marks to HRH the Duchess of Cambridge. I feel Kate deserves particular praise for not going OTT and trying desperately to have a lengthier train, or indeed bouquet, than Lady Di. Her simple bridal bunch consisted of seasonal lily of the valley, which she later laid on the symbolic grave of the unknown warrior, following in the footsteps of the Queen Mother. Many of the poignant styles from the wedding of Wills and Kate will last in our memories forever. There were various outfit successes and horrors on the 29th April, some of which I wish to investigate.

The Queen wore yellow all over, which I’m going to state is something positive, what with its connotations of sunshine and happiness; and in several of the photos, wait for it, she’s actually smiling. Miracles do happen. Will and Harry both wore the signature military attire for their respective regiments. In contrast to dozens of magazine reviews, I actually admired Princess Anne for wearing such a fierce bold print ensemble with floral headwear. She stood out in the crowd of politicians’ wives dressed as though they were attending a funeral, not the nuptials of the year.

Speaking of other British royalty, one must mention Posh and Becks. There was much controversy in the press over the last week because David arrived with his OBE pinned to the right side of his morning suit lapel, but hastily swapped it to his left to avoid any further embarrassment. Unfortunately, the Daily Mail photographers were just too fast for him.

Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie were easily the epic fails of the day. Eugenie chose a Vivienne Westwood design, which is admirable, yet still managed to resemble an oversized Cabbage Patch kid that had strayed a little far from the garden it had emerged from. And Beatrice, what exactly was on your head? Was it a bird? Was it a plane? Or perhaps it was reindeer antlers, a very popular suggestion on Facebook and the online blogs. The only mildly tasteful parts of your outfit were your Cornelia James gloves, but I’m afraid even they were not enough to save you.

I shudder when I recall the hideous blue Deborah Milner snake that concealed Tara Palmer Tomkinson’s multiple surgeries, so I shan’t go into much detail there.

David Cameron’s wife, Samantha, caught the attention of many photographers in her elegant turquoise Burberry number. She also demonstrated that it is possible to attend a royal wedding without an overly ostentatious hat. Another turquoise hit was Chelsy Davy in a neat little Alberta Ferretti number, though she won’t be wearing a royal wedding dress herself anytime soon, as apparently the royal way of life is not for her. Fair play, but I wouldn’t say no to a carriage.

Of course Elton John rocked up, looking very tidy in a Richard James suit, whilst making history as the first man to attend a Royal wedding with his civil partner. Zara Phillips’ outfit was impressive, a steely grey jacket dress by Paul Costelloe and a razor sharp hat. Then again, quite a dark colour to wear on such a felicitous occasion.

I cannot complete this piece without mentioning the international phenomenon caused by the attire of Pippa Middleton. Ivory crepe, a cowl neckline, flowers in her hair, and out the door before her sister. Suddenly the world was in love.

As well as Zara’s headpiece, Philip Treacy ruled the royal wedding catwalk with his designs appearing atop the majority of princesses and several other royal guests. Whatever it is he’s doing, whatever magic is concentrated in these marvels, it’s clearly working.

Two clear messages emerge from this momentous day. The first, when in doubt, wear a Philip Treacy. The second, don’t wear a tight fitting dress with a dipped neckline to your sister’s wedding – unless you want to become an international sex symbol within 24 hours.