Raining Champions pip Obi Wan on goal difference

As a student there are two means by which one can keep up-to-date with
current affairs. Consequently, following the conclusion of “Mock the Week”
series 8 and “8 out of 10 Cats” series 9, my efficacy as a serious
journalist have been severely impaired. Nonetheless, there is one channel of
information that is not subject to either scheduling constraints or
license-payers budgets. Here, legends are created and over-inflated egos are
crushed down to size. What I refer to can be seen at the pub, on the
sidelines at Tarkett and even walking to lectures. It is the paper aeroplane
that hits you in the head and reads “your s**t”. It is everywhere, but
nowhere. Forget the library. Get off the internet. There is nothing of
greater importance in the world than the footballing grapevine…

This week, the world of Warwick football was busier than Coventry job centre
as UW5 witnessed fixtures in both the cup and Champions League. Adding to
the excitement was the terminal game of the Wednesday KPMG league, who
regrettably decided to bring along the ex-girlfriend that is the
Right-to-Play tournament taking place on Saturday.

Let us begin with the cup. Whilst “Fiji” continued their rise to prominence
with a victory over “A little bit naked”, the round of 16 also saw routine
victories for Machine Theory and James the Spatula. The shock of the round
came in the tie between 5 guys, 1 cup and Got Milv?. The former could boast
an unbeaten record in the ladder until they were eventually defeated by a
formidable James the Spatula side. In spite of this, like the lad who moves
from the safety of tikka massala into the unchartered lands of madras, the
team of freshers were left bleary eyed as over-confidence got the better of
them. After twice cancelling out one goal deficits, the sides went into the
break level at 2-2. For the home team, the subsequent 10 minutes were
sloppier than a quicky in the Kasbah toilets and Got Milv took full
advantage, at one point accruing a 4 goal advantage. In what was a dismal
second half performance, the solitary goal for 5GOC was about as much
consolation as hearing those oft said words “it happens to everyone”.

Moving to the Wednesday KPMG league, the midweek bout of fixtures featured 2
crucial games back-to-back. Obi-Wan-Kenobi-Nil and Inter Erasmus were to
complete the remaining 7 minutes of last week’s tie. This was to be
succeeded by the deciding match of the season as the latter took on Raining
Champions. Pending the successful defence of their 1-goal advantage, a draw
in the ultimate match would unconditionally see them crowned winners. Given
that Inter Erasmus won their game, the winner of the later match would be
the team to go on to face Chaventry Uni in the Varsity Series. However,
dependant on the defeat of Inter Erasmus in the penultimate game, a draw for
Raining Champions would be necessary and sufficient for last year’s winners
to retain their title (Permutations and Combinations, Davies 2010).

After a frenetic opening game in which Obi-Wan maintained the 1-0 scoreline,
tensions were running high in the critical game of the season. The game was
not without its controversies as Claus and Urwin partook in a set-two that
nearly re-ignited Euro-Anglo hostilities. As the referee commenced the
proceedings, the Inter-Erasmus side could be found sporting some tired legs
after their gruelling 7 minute previous encounter. Some of the players were
taking perspiration to a whole new level, many of which made Lee Evans look
like a leading candidate for a role in the new Sure Invisible commercial.
Paradoxically, after a slow start from the title holders, it was Inter who
took the lead and went into the break ahead. After the interval, RC threw
everything at their counterparts. They deservedly drew level when Blackburn
was at hand to finish from a rebound and, following an outrageous 35 yard
ping from loyal club servant Butler, Raining Champions went ahead.
Effectively, this ended the game with Butler adding another goal to his
tally to put the icing on the cake in a week that also saw RC take top prize
in the “Right to Play tournament”.

We now approach what is known in the industry as the “10 minutes left” phase
of the season. As students, closing time at the all-you-can-eat Chinese is a
dog-eat-dog World (or a man-eat-dog world depending on the restaurant). It
is commonplace for you to canter up to the service area for your 3rd round
of appetizers, grabbing 4 plates in advance, anticipating an inevitable
queue at the dessert section. Likewise, the Champions League, the OW cup and
KPMG glory are all within touching distance, but not everyone can have their
fill. Come week 10, who will be savouring the sweet sensation of duck and
pancakes? Conversely, who will be the disgraced near-misses, once destined
for sweet and sour, now lumbered with nothing but saggy dumplings?

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