What is the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ and who does it affect?

Gone is the crazy cat lady, and in is the red-pilled, alpha-male manosphere bro.

This is, of course, stereotyping. Nevertheless, for centuries, single, ‘lonely’ women have been made to feel lesser-than, from Regency spinsters to the 2021 comment on “childless cat ladies” made by JD Vance, who is now the Vice-President of America.

Love, shame, social conditioning, and indeed financial necessity are just some of the reasons why generations of women have chosen to settle down with men.

In the 2005 movie version of Pride and Prejudice, Charlotte tells Elizabeth, “I’m 27 years old. I’ve no money and no prospects. I’m already a burden to my parents. And I’m frightened.”

This moment comes just after we learn that Charlotte has accepted Mr Collins’ marriage proposal. Mr Collins is a funny little man who has done nothing to win Charlotte over except propose. Elizabeth and Jane have already made clear that they have no interest in him. But Charlotte needs him.

I have to wonder if Mr Collins would make up part of the ‘lonely male’ statistic in 2026.

It’s not clear who coined the term ‘male loneliness epidemic’ or which study specifically prompted the wave of interest. In 2023, Dr Vivek Murthy wrote about an “epidemic of loneliness and isolation”, and in 2021, the American Survey Centre said 15% of men reported having no close friends.

The men’s mental health crisis is a real issue, one that has been in the attention of mainstream media since the early 2000s. The male loneliness epidemic, however, only gained traction in the early 2020s, especially in spheres such as the manosphere

Importantly, the cultural perception of lonely men and their supposed epidemic, and what the actual statistics show, are two very different things. A study by the American Institute of Boys and Men (AIBM) showed that men and women reported similar levels of loneliness, with even 18% of women describing themselves as having “Always/Often felt lonely in the past 12 months” compared to 13% of men.

Differences emerged by age group, however. A Gallup poll showed that 25% of men aged between 15 and 34 said they experienced loneliness the previous day, compared to 18% of women of the same age group. Yet AIBM cites a different 2023 survey found that 25% of American 8th and 10th-grade (Years 9 to 11) boys said they often feel lonely, compared to 44% of girls.

So, is the loneliness epidemic targeting men or women? Or is it targeting youth in general? AIBM also points out disparities in loneliness by education, with non-college-educated men as the most likely demographic to report having no close friends, out of college-educated men, non-college-educated, and college-educated women.

As Bledsoe and Smith conclude in their article, averages can be more misleading than revealing. This helps explain why the cultural, online reception of the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ often feels more concrete and easier to observe than the epidemic itself.

The men’s mental health crisis is a real issue, one that has been in the attention of mainstream media since the early 2000s. The male loneliness epidemic, however, only gained traction in the early 2020s, especially in spheres such as the manosphere. The manosphere is an online space of forums, blogs, podcasts, and websites promoting misogyny, masculinity, and anti-feminism. The manosphere’s ‘lonely’ men often place the blame on shallow women who never give the ‘nice guy’ the time of the day. Lamentations over women who don’t date below six feet or six figures a year, and who are overall untouchable because of their impossible standards, run rampant in the manosphere. It’s women’s fault men are lonely.

And if Charlotte from Pride and Prejudice were around today, I’m not sure she’d be marrying Mr Collins. Elizabeth and Jane probably wouldn’t change their minds about him just because ‘nice guys always finish last’. This isn’t because standards are impossibly high, but because there is no longer a socially-enforced requirement to get married, not to the same extent.

Taking vulnerable men and making them weapons against female agency isn’t just anti-feminist, but anti-women and usually anti-men as well

Now, women are pushing back against expectations that they should settle for men who aren’t that nice to them, and these men protest by … being meaner? I’m not sure what the logic is, but I maintain there is a difference between men’s mental health, loneliness, and ‘The Male Loneliness Epidemic’ – and they aren’t caused by women.

Men’s mental health and loneliness are issues that should be handled with sensitivity and care. Tackling silence and making it socially acceptable to talk about your feelings with loved ones or professionals is so important for men in an increasingly disconnected age. Male loneliness cannot be reduced to dating and celibacy when reports show men struggle to feel close to their friends. Taking vulnerable men and making them weapons against female agency isn’t just anti-feminist, but anti-women and usually anti-men as well.

As Pepper Maria put it, we are witnessing a “cultural shift”. The single ‘crazy cat lady’ isn’t just someone to pity, and the lonely bachelor’s life is harder to glamorise if we acknowledge he is also craving connection. Maybe it’s embarrassing to have a boyfriend now, maybe it isn’t, and maybe it just depends on how you have a boyfriend. Either way, we shouldn’t be basing anyone’s worth on who they are or aren’t dating.

It is not women’s collective job to make men feel less lonely, because male loneliness isn’t about women, at least not at its root. It’s about effort: staying in touch with loved ones, being open, being kind, and going outside. Like it always has been.