Varsity 2026: Warwick Canoe Polo successful against Birmingham

The Friday evening spotlight may have been on the age-old, if rather predictable, rivalry between Warwick and Coventry. Here at Canoe Polo though, we thought we’d go one better and take on the second city. We may not have opposite numbers in the uninitiated Coventry ranks, but the University of Birmingham kindly stepped in as our worthy opponents. Thus was born our first annual Varsity alternative: “Farsity”. But this game would be no laughing matter.

Now, I’m sure you have some questions: what on Earth is Canoe Polo? Are there any horses involved? Where is Birmingham? Thankfully, you lucky Boar readers can find the answer to two of those questions right here- Sports Society Spotlight: Canoe Polo – The Boar.

Warwick were the hot favourites, but Birmingham knew the home side’s defensive lines were far from impenetrable

After a round of collaborative warm-ups, it was time for the first of two matches to kick off. Warwick were the hot favourites, but Birmingham knew the home side’s defensive lines were far from impenetrable. There was an early test as president Alexandra Bond had to make a brilliant save, the ball flicking off her paddle and onto the lofty goal frame. The resulting corner saw more pressure, this time from Brum’s undoubted star player Sam Griggle, whose shot from range was deflected over. Warwick were on the back foot and they knew it. You could hear the disbelief from Keiran Drury and Max Buckingham in the commentary box as they announced that in the game’s opening three minute spell, the Wickers™ had barely laid a finger on the ball. It was only a matter of time before something had to give, and it did. Griggle had been afforded one too many opportunities and, staring down the goal face, he was able to convert a simple chance. 1-0, and the biggest of wake-up calls for the Warwick side.

And wake up they did. In Warwick’s first attack, Ollie Pay wasted no time in firing off an attempt, and it nestled beyond the keeper’s reach into the elusive opposition net. You could sense an almost immediate swing in momentum, Pay realising just at the crucial moment that anything Griggle could do, he might just be able to do better. His defensive interception would lead to another quick-fire attack and we were so close to turning the scoreline on its head, the woodwork denying a persistent Laura Arundale.

It was important that Warwick maintained all sense of dignity and focus to start to get a foothold in the game

It was important that Warwick maintained all sense of dignity and focus to start to get a foothold in the game. That task was made substantially more difficult by the fact that I, wearing the number 7 buoyancy aid, was dressed as Freddie Mercury as part of a recent charity forfeit. Nonetheless, I could see that the ball, much like the great singer, was just begging to break free. In a moment of hesitation from the Birmingham defence, I spied my opportunity- latching onto the loose ball. A goal was near certain until, as I took aim, a paddle miraculously flashed across my vision, sending the shot right back into my hands. It was Griggle of course; the rascal!

Unperturbed, I looked up to assess my options. Just as I was about to be swarmed by the Birmingham defence, I spotted the run of Ollie Pay on the far side and sent a loopy pass into his hands. Before anyone had had time to make head or tail of what was going on, the ball was flying into the net like a tracer bullet. Already, Pay was at the double!

Over to Griggle, who was not going to die wondering, and would’ve equalised if not for a smart save from Robert Richards. The missed chance would cost UoB dearly, Warwick reacting quickest to send the ball up the pool, handing Pay a blistering hat trick. Griggle was incensed, insisting that Richards had brought the ball behind the goal line and that he should’ve had a corner. Referee Evie Kininmonth, however, was not to be swayed and the visitors were left with an uphill battle and some serious contemplation to do midway through the first half.

Their strife was far from over though when some sharp thinking from debutant Will Jones (sat amongst an otherwise unconvincing defensive formation) allowed Alex “The Admirable Admiral” Bond a route through on goal. She was never going to be kept quiet for long and her strike made it 4-1. Soon after, she’d turn provider, unselfishly setting up Pay for his fourth. This was set to get messy for Birmingham. The icing on the cake would have been a goal for Jones. The newbie was agonisingly close to making it six, but Griggle’s paddle was in the way again.

The potential for a moment that would have gone down in Canoe Polo folklore meant Warwick switched off. This afforded Griggle an audacious lob from halfway that would have had David Beckham in raptures as it sailed between the posts. An equally impressive feat of skill would shortly follow when Richards powered past the entire Birmingham backline to send Bond clean through for her second.

Birmingham’s one-man band seemed determined to play on until a fanfare sounded to his tune

The second half followed a remarkably similar pattern. Griggle pounced on some sloppy play from Warwick to leave us looking nervously over our shoulders. Birmingham’s one-man band seemed determined to play on until a fanfare sounded to his tune. His goliath effort finally inspired some creativity in his teammates, George Melbourne pulling it back to 6-4 in the game that kept on giving. From here on out though, it was all Warwick. Bond completed her hat trick, and then, after a solo break left her with an empty net to aim at, took her tally to four. The debate was no longer which side was going to win the game but who, Bond or Pay, would score the most. In the end, there was time left for both of them to get one more apiece. Pay’s was nicely set up by Warwick’s celebrity signing Adam Skrzymowski, who many of you will know as Supreme Leader of Warwick Societes (unofficial title).

The evening belonged to the wondrous Warwick

After such a fascinating, action-packed contest in the first game, we’d be here all night if I included a full report of the second encounter. To sum it up briefly though, we took our foot off the gas a little in a 5-3 victory. Richards picked up a much-deserved goal, with Bond taking her evening total to six. But it was Arundale, who played superbly for little reward in the first game, who was able to get her moment in the spotlight, netting three of the best. With Griggle refereeing, Rachel Shaper carried the Birmingham torch with a brace, whilst Melbourne also chipped in with another good finish. Ultimately though, the evening belonged to the wondrous Warwick.

Post-match reflections (interviews conducted by Keiran Drury and Max Buckingham):
Alex Bond: ‘Very chuffed as President and Captain, looking forward to the end of the season [BUCS in April].’ -PR merchant!
Will Jones: ‘I think I’m a good substitute with a genuine talent for sitting on the edge and doing absolutely nothing.’ -He’s his own biggest critic.
George Melbourne: ‘We have a very fresh side. I think we did pretty well but the main takeaway is we just need to [react] quicker.’

We’d like to thank UoB for making the perilous trip across the West Midlands and we’ll be counting down the days until next year’s fixtures. Farsity forever!