Putting down the mask and embracing yourself: All it takes is an initial first step 

When I started university, I came with the expectation that no one would like the real me. This had been my experience throughout school; why would university be any different? I realised very quickly that the people I met were much more interested in getting to know the real version of myself I’d hidden behind a perfectly curated mask. Initially, I wasn’t adventurous in any aspect of my life. Not in my fashion style, how I socialised, or how I carried myself. I lacked any real confidence, and the mask I hid behind protected me from revealing that fact to the outside world. 

Fundamentally, I now realise the colours and styles I wear have come to represent my authentic self, bright and a bit chaotic

After realising that the people I had surrounded myself with were interested in knowing the person behind my mask, I started to make small changes to my daily life and routine. I started with my personal style. I knew I wasn’t a jeans-and-a-hoodie type of person, so I experimented, and cracks in my mask began to form. My style became a real creative outlet for me! At first, I was really nervous about what people might think about how I began to dress, but I slowly began to develop confidence by challenging myself to dress outside of my comfort zone! Two years later, I can tell you that my wardrobe has become a perfectly curated rainbow, and I own five berets. Some people tell me that’s five too many, but I disagree. Fundamentally, I now realise the colours and styles I wear have come to represent my authentic self, bright and a bit chaotic.

My next challenge in finding my authentic self was my routine. I discovered that finding a set routine and sticking to it, especially in the first year, was quite difficult. However, in the chaos of my daily routine, I found two aspects I came to take a lot of comfort in. It was in a different way from the creation of my style, which allowed me to detach my authentic self from my old mask further. Never underestimate the power of a morning and night routine! My aim for these routines was to get energised and wind down. At the time, I did not realise the positive impact of keeping these mini routines consistent on myself and my confidence. 

Yet at some point along this journey of self-discovery and the destruction of that mask I used to hide behind, I learnt that I didn’t want to be perfect

 My morning routine might begin with a good breakfast and tidy room, followed by a walk, which gets me awake and ready to take on the day. These sorts of activities for me unintentionally boost my confidence, usually because they make me feel like I can do anything! My night routine is the opposite – I focus on calming down and relaxing. I am someone who likes to keep going until I drop, but this led me to discover the importance of rest. If I’m not rested, there is always a risk I will remain anxious and on edge for the entire day, and this often leads me to revert to my masked self, as it can feel like a safe space when I’m tired and anxious. To combat this, I started a very basic journal to keep track of my bigger thoughts. It also serves as a way to let these thoughts leave my head. I’ll also often read or put on a comfort show to allow myself to destress from my day. 

While I might have worked out all of these things about me, that does not mean I am now the ideal, confident, perfect version of myself. In fact, I feel like I am still far from that. Yet at some point along this journey of self-discovery and the destruction of that mask I used to hide behind, I learnt that I didn’t want to be perfect. In fact, I preferred this truly authentic version of me, because even though she wasn’t trendy, she was my happiest form and the version of me that my real friends wanted to be around. Yes, I still have days where I wish I could change things about myself, and even days where I get close to piecing that old mask back together, but I can promise you, those feelings are never permanent.