What’s it like to attend one of London’s sex parties?

Sex club, play party, fetish club, sex dungeon, swingers club… words that may evoke infinitely different images and feelings for different people. For some, they could cause a quickening of the breath and heartbeat, blushing cheeks, and dreams of orgasmic orgies. In others: fear and dread, infernal images of writhing bodies, whips, and chains. I went to one of London’s top ‘sensual theatrical parties’ Pinky Promise, where I interviewed members of the public and the organiser. This is what I exposed (pun intended)!

Sex parties remain mysterious to a large swathe of modern-day society, yet more and more articles on the topic are appearing in mainstream media sources, indicating a peak in curiosity, and hopefully a move towards a more open-minded acceptance of alternative ways to explore sexuality.

Almost everyone I interviewed told me that their biggest misconception before attending their first event was that there would be people having sex everywhere. Jack, a 42-year-old content creator, said, “I definitely had a sense of trepidation beforehand. Was it going to be nakedness and debauchery as soon as I entered the venue? I also wasn’t sure how I’d hold myself in such an unknown space. Was I going to be fully myself or would I be overwhelmed by it all?”

Have conversations about it first. Your hopes, expectations, boundaries. What are you excited about? What fears might you have? Generally, go with no expectation to play. Simply go and be as social as you can. Have conversations, compliment people, chat to anyone and everyone and delicious moments will flow your way

– Jack

I met Jack during a workshop titled ‘Flirting with Our Bodies’ run by the lovely Haneen, and we were invited to crawl around the floor with our eyes closed until we found someone else’s hand. We then started to feel each other’s faces, arms, hair, and hands to get a sense of who that person was. This felt surprisingly tender and caring, although I accidentally poked my partner in the eye at one point. Invited to share our impressions of each other, my word for Jack was ‘sweet’, and his for me was ‘curious’. We agreed we’d got each other pegged (another pun.. apologies)! He’s been attending sex-positive parties since 2021 when he and his ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamous) partner wanted to explore further possibilities in their relationship. His advice for anyone else who wants to try something like this with their partner is “… have conversations about it first. Your hopes, expectations, boundaries. What are you excited about? What fears might you have? Generally, go with no expectation to play. Simply go and be as social as you can. Have conversations, compliment people, chat to anyone and everyone and delicious moments will flow your way.”

I am all about the sex-positive queer spaces where people go to dance and make connections, and the sex is an added bonus

– Laura

Laura, a 57-year-old solicitor dressed in a multi-coloured bikini with leaves sewn onto it, also expressed that open communication is key to enjoying this type of event with a partner, and, along with everyone else I spoke to, that sex definitely isn’t the main reason to attend. She’s been on ‘the scene’ for 20 years and related, “I am all about the sex-positive queer spaces where people go to dance and make connections, and the sex is an added bonus.” Despite being nervous about her first event, particularly being in a public space with people having sex, Laura found that “Everyone was so welcoming and friendly, it reminded me of the vibes at old Skool raves back in the 90s’ just with fewer drugs.”

Laura divulged that over her two-decade foray into fetish parties, she’s noticed a large increase in the number of events being run and the variety of preferences catered for. She also gave me a detailed breakdown of the generational divide between the different parties based on crowd, theme and music preferences. Laura’s experiences show that sensual parties in London are fulfilling an increased appetite for sexual expression across the generations in the city.

It appears our society is becoming more open-minded to multiple sexual partners, same sex-partners, diverse sexual experiences, and a general move towards sexual liberation

NATSAL (National Surveys of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles) has been studying sexual behaviour in the UK since 1990 and offers easy-to-digest infographics on the changes in society regarding their sexy habits. There isn’t any data on sex parties specifically, but the survey published in 2012, showed that people reported having an increasing amount of sexual partners and sexual encounters compared to the same demographics in 1990. Younger age groups report more anal and other genital contact sex with opposite-sex partners. The gender gap is closing as women are having almost as many partners as men, and women report more same-sex interactions than men. Coupling these statistics with more public sex-positive parties in general, it appears our society is becoming more open-minded to multiple sexual partners, same-sex partners, diverse sexual experiences, and a general move towards sexual liberation.

This is where the capital’s sex-positive parties come in. “Pinky Promise is a collective of sensual deviants who create live-action hedonistic extravaganzas with a heart.”  Their website contains event line-ups and posters, extensive Pinterest pages with costume inspiration, and clear rules about conduct and consent for their parties. I went to the Botanical Ballroom on May 2 2025 and decided to fully immerse myself in the experience. I spent hours making my outfit, green velvet hotpants with a foliage belt of leaves and tassels. I glue-gunned leaves to my trainers and dug out an old belly dancing top to finish off the outfit. I bought a ticket to the pre-party social event to meet some people in a more relaxed setting before the party properly started. Arriving at the event, I was greeted by outfit checkers (no effort = no entry), a sticker was stuck over the camera on my phone to protect privacy inside, and fabulously dressed greeters asked me about my expectations of the event. I simply said that I wanted to meet new people and experience the party to the fullest! Satisfied with my outfit – under my clothes of course – and having expressed my intentions for the night, I was permitted entry. I walked up the never-ending flight of steps to the dressing room, quickly and excitedly taking off my jumpsuit to reveal my green velvet outfit. Trotting back down the stairs, I excitedly joined in the fun. My night involved giving and receiving a multitude of outfit compliments, attending a workshop, exchanging dance moves on the wildly decorated dance floors, and spontaneously joining new groups for a chat and a boogie. I felt so welcome, it made me feel at home.

I wanted to create a space that’s more than just play and music, … [but] a space focused around workshops, performance, theatre, decor, games, really building a festival in a club that focused more on sensuality, intimacy, and pleasure, something that, five years ago, really wasn’t available for me

– Jared Philippo, Founder, Pinky Promise

The founder, Jared Philippo – with his mane of curly hair, incredible headdress and hot pants – has been a friend of mine since he was at university in Brighton back in 2013. His motivation to start Pinky Promise five years ago was that he wanted to…
“…feel sexual, not sexualized, the parties on the market were not my calling. I wanted to create a space that’s more than just play and music, … [but] a space focused around workshops, performance, theatre, decor, games, really building a festival in a club that focused more on sensuality, intimacy, and pleasure, something that, five years ago, really wasn’t available for me.”

Having been to other parties, I can attest to the fact that Pinky Promise is in a league of its own. The event supports a unique combination of high-quality production, decor, a cabaret show, and the welcoming and inclusive community who are there to connect, not just to show off. Pinky Promise emphasises education, promoting playful new ways to connect via the events’ workshops. Their website even offers a catalogue of educational articles covering a range of topics, from mental health to sex toys.

The Pleasure Parlour is separated by walls and curtains so you can’t see what’s going on inside from the main room. There are safeguarding stewards on the door and patrolling inside, making sure that people understand the rules of consent and stay safe

While I didn’t make it into the playroom this time, Charlotte, a 36-year-old teacher, was happy to kiss and tell. The Pleasure Parlour is separated by walls and curtains so you can’t see what’s going on inside from the main room. There are safeguarding stewards on the door and patrolling inside, making sure that people understand the rules of consent and stay safe. Charlotte told me that she had always been fascinated by the idea of group sex and when she went to her first Pinky Promise party at age 32, she wished that she’d been in a position to explore this world much earlier in her life.

“When you enter the Pleasure Parlour, it feels incredibly intimate despite being so public. You’re not allowed to go in on your own, and people tend to stick to the group they’ve gone in with. It’s a fully sensual experience as you can see and hear other people around you enjoying themselves too! It’s so much fun to have the orgy experience but without the anxiety of random hands groping and touching you. I absolutely love it, and would recommend everyone try it at least once.”

If you do decide to go straight for a party, know that there is never an expectation to join in at all, it’s perfectly okay to take things at your own pace. These parties are as much about socialising with like-minded people as they are about the extracurriculars

– Jasper

Between dancing myself silly and meeting lots of lovely people, I spoke to Jasper, a 30-year-old software developer and fetish gear creator, who’s been going to events for seven years. He expressed that despite his past worries over the event’s cliquiness, Jasper felt that he had found his people and made lifelong friends. Jasper advised anyone new on the scene to look for socials, either separate from the main parties, or pre-party socials, like I had attended for this event.

“It’s well worth checking those out first to meet some folks rather than hopping straight into a party unless you’re one of those brave socialites! And, if you do decide to go straight for a party, know that there is never an expectation to join in at all, it’s perfectly okay to take things at your own pace. These parties are as much about socialising with like-minded people as they are about the extracurriculars.”

All in all, I had an amazing night and going alone didn’t impact my enjoyment whatsoever – I had never met such a friendly and inclusive bunch. I loved prancing around in next-to-no clothes, without fear of being touched or judged as you would expect in a normal nightclub. I felt an overwhelming respect for the event, its organisational and safeguarding teams, and the mind-expanding, boundary-exploring community pushing the mission of Pinky Promise towards a more sexually open-minded society. Highly recommend!