Parasocial love: why we care who Selena Gomez dates

Even though Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber broke up for the last time about seven years ago, for many, #Jelena is still alive and well. Selena’s engagement to Benny Blanco rekindled debates around Bieber and Gomez’s relationship, leading people to question: When will the conversation end? Why do we keep coming back to them? More generally, there is an allure around celebrity relationships that modern media struggles to ignore. Whether it’s paparazzi photos of random actors at the beach or ‘chemistry’ between co-stars during interviews, we track the twists and turns like reality TV. Modern celebrity relationships aren’t private. It’s more like watching a theatrical reflection of our own world. So, is there something in Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber’s relationship specifically that makes it hard to let them go, and if so, what is it?

The pair had their first date in December 2010 when Bieber was 16 and Gomez was 18, though they both denied it being romantic. They were, however, spotted kissing on New Year’s. After at least two years of dating, they split up, and in an interview, Bieber declared he still loved her. The pair got back together a year after an Instagram battle in 2016. Then, three months after the breakup, Justin Bieber married Hailey Baldwin (now Bieber), who has since faced years of online harassment. After Benny Blanco and Gomez’s engagement announcement, #Jelena has returned to the spotlight. Gomez also recently released an album that Blanco produced, leading fans to determine which songs might be about Bieber. It’s been years, and Gomez and Bieber are in committed relationships with other people, yet the Jelena buzz is still present. What is it about people we don’t know in relationships that’s so interesting?

But that’s the issue – we feel as though we know celebrities personally, and in reality, we’ve probably never met or interacted with the very individuals whose lives we’re so concerned about

It’s not just Bieber and Gomez, however. At the beginning of the year, the excitement around Tom Holland and Zendaya’s relationship exploded when rumours about their engagement spread, which have since been confirmed. Olivia Rodrigo and Louis Partridge have often made headlines after they started dating in late 2023. Sabrina Carpenter and Barry Keoghan are still making news even though they broke up at the end of 2024. Meryl Streep, whose personal life is relatively private, recently found herself in the limelight alongside Martin Short, as they’d been dating for about a year before going public. Others include: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. Now I’m just naming couples, but the list goes on. Whilst I can’t guarantee you’ll be interested in each or any of them, someone probably is. This is all to say that the interest in celebrity relationships didn’t start with Bieber and Gomez (consider the drama around Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston).

I think part of the intrigue is the age-old currency of gossip-farming. A couple splitting up (think Kim and Kanye) is much more interesting than just being together. For example, the Clooneys or John Krasinski and Emily Blunt. It would be a similar situation to that of people we know personally. But that’s the issue – we feel as though we know celebrities personally, and in reality, we’ve probably never met or interacted with the very individuals whose lives we’re so concerned about.

The specific blend of familiarity and alienation makes celebrities appealing and fosters the obsession with them. While we’re aware that we’ll probably never know them, we can’t help but feel as though we are developing a kind of parasocial relationship. Investing in a celebrity’s life and relationships is a way of projecting our feelings and desires onto people without the real-life consequences that may follow gossiping. The popularity of social media is just another vehicle which makes it easier to access celebrity lives. When Selena Gomez posts her engagement and Justin Bieber reposts a meme making fun of girls when they get engaged, it’s easy for fans to feel involved in the drama.

In a culture filled with microtrends and algorithms, an ongoing love story can appeal to fan bases, fostering personal investment. At the end of the day, maybe it’s not about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez themselves, but the story fans have written themselves

Is there a difference between a cathartic romance-drama and the lives of celebrities? I think yes. Books and TV are already written for us; we consume them in their final, completed forms. Even though we often don’t treat celebrities as real people, the fact remains that, while they don’t quite exist in the same world as we do, they aren’t fictional. This means we watch their stories in real-time, where we can also project our narratives into the blank spaces. Yet, we can participate in their relationships without the emotional risk.

Our collective obsession with celebrity relationships isn’t just gossip. It’s also storytelling and connection. In a culture filled with microtrends and algorithms, an ongoing love story can appeal to fan bases, fostering personal investment. At the end of the day, maybe it’s not about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez themselves, but the story fans have written themselves. It’s one about first loves, ‘right person wrong time’ and going back to someone you can’t let go of, which inevitably appeals to a lot of different people.

Although, Gomez’s new song ‘How Does It Feel To Be Forgotten’ suggests fans might have gotten it wrong there.