The ‘soft life’

Morning matcha, woodland walks, pilates, meditation, and shopping trips – the ‘soft living’ or ‘soft girl’ trend currently circulating the likes of TikTok and Instagram doesn’t sound like it can go far wrong. But there is more depth to it than these seemingly simple images social media promotes.

The idea of a soft life stems from the Nigerian influencer community. Contrary to what may be suggested on social media at the moment, the original idea of a soft life is not about materialistic luxury. Instead, it asks people to consider what a day-to-day life of ease would look like for them. The challenge is then to put it into practice. Ultimately, it’s a journey of self-care which requires patience.

Writing for the BBC, Evie Muir asserted that “the Soft Black Girl phenomenon is a backlash against the persistent ‘strong black woman’ trope in our culture, which, alongside the ‘girl boss’ ideal, can feel like a burden, continuously demanding our energy”.

On social media, soft living has been taken in different directions. On the mildest side, it simply encourages women to slow life down. This can be done by treating themselves to something they enjoy, something which is a want rather than a need in the whirlwind of chaos called life.

This side of the trend has been critiqued, as the practical questions of how to sustain such a life are conveniently avoided

However, the radical end of soft living includes a complete rejection of hustle culture for women. In this sense, to be a ‘soft girl’ means the opposite of being a ‘girlboss’. Many soft girls daydream about a simple existence where they are first and foremost a wife and mother before anything else.

Content creator Erica Dowdy declared on TikTok: “I don’t want to girlboss anymore […] I don’t think girlbossing is cool, I don’t think it’s impressive.” To ‘soft girls’, pursuing hustle culture is toxic and harmful to their health. They draw on the argument that corporate culture was created for men’s 24-hour cycle rather than women’s 28-day cycle, making women more likely to suffer from burnout.

Another soft girl, Mia Jones, said on TikTok: “I don’t want to hustle, I simply want to live my life slowly and lay in a bed of moss with my lover and enjoy the rest of my existence, reading books and creating art and loving the people in my life.”

Whilst Jones creates a rather beautiful, fairytale dreamscape, is it just that – a fairytale? This side of the trend has been critiqued, as the practical questions of how to sustain such a life are conveniently avoided. There has additionally been concern about how ‘soft girls’ are portraying women.

For example, PhD candidate Shania Bhopa told the Glamour newsletter that the trend promotes “the traditional gender norms that we have worked so hard to push back on […] ‘soft girl energy’ relates joy to being docile and lacking goal-oriented tasks throughout your day.”

As well as representing a more significant cultural trend, videos of soft living could also serve as a reminder that it’s okay to slow down and make comfortable choices from time to time

Ultimately, this radical form of soft living may be too unrealistic of an expectation. Living life from a “bed of moss” may be idyllic for a time, but ultimately humans need goals to work towards to have a sense of purpose. As much as the hustle culture can be toxic, it does not mean that it should be renounced completely.

That being said, it is important to keep in mind that many advocators for the trend do not take it as far as to completely reject the working world. For many women, being a ‘soft girl’ means taking important steps to prevent burnout by avoiding unnecessary hardships in the rat race that is a goal-oriented society.

For example, Emily Tamfo wrote: “It’s not that we don’t want to get off our asses and work, as Kim Kardashian put it; it’s that we want to live our lives – and do so comfortably”.

It is undeniable that videos which portray the ‘soft life’ have an allure to them, whether it is a snapshot of cosy reading by the fire or a day in the life of a ‘soft girl’ who doesn’t work. As well as representing a more significant cultural trend, videos of soft living could also serve as a reminder that it’s okay to slow down and make comfortable choices from time to time.