Fakeaways

With the second term of university very nearly over, I can’t say I haven’t been tempted by the odd takeaway and I certainly don’t have a perfect track record. You don’t have to cook or clean up after yourself and with services like UberEats and Deliveroo, you can have dinner in 20 minutes without doing any work. Takeaways are also much less effort than visiting a restaurant. This all goes without mentioning that they are, of course, very tasty as a guilty pleasure.

We should also consider how bad takeaways are for the environment and raise questions about single-use plastics and the carbon emissions of delivery driving

However, studies show that foods such as takeaway pizzas, burgers, and chips contain “dangerously large” amounts of sugar, fats, and salt. A lot of fast food chains don’t disclose all the information regarding their ingredients and nutritional quality. We should also consider how bad takeaways are for the environment and raise questions about single-use plastics and the carbon emissions of delivery driving. I think we all know takeaways are bad for our bodies, but we sometimes ignore this because they’re easy and tasty.

Even though they don’t have the key benefit of being effort-free, let’s explore a few key fakeaways: the guilt-free takeaway you can make at home. Besides, sometimes the effort you put into cooking makes your victory much sweeter and it’s cheaper too.

First up is the doner kebab. As much as I appreciate Vialli’s and their portion size, it’s never a nice feeling to check the dent in the bank account after a night out and a kebab. With a bit of help from BBC Good Food, we can learn how to cook kebabs in just over an hour, which, if you scroll or study whilst they’re in the oven, it is really not that long. I’m not condoning being anywhere near the oven or most kitchen appliances when drunk, but if you find yourself with a sober kebab craving, with some lamb mince, chopped onion, and seasoning bits, you could make it yourself.

Next up is pizza, although I have to admit I’ve not made from scratch since lockdown and it wasn’t very good. If you have time to leave your pizza to prove, the at-home pizza is a very viable option. I value a good pizza takeaway and did have Dominos on my birthday because I felt I should not be made to cook, however, I spent a good 10 minutes experimenting with different deals because their regular prices are, if I may say, unacceptable. This BBC ‘Detroit-style’ pizza recipe serves four, making for either a nice night in with friends, or quick leftovers. If you’ve got the organisational skills to prepare food earlier and leave it to prove, this fakeaway could make a healthy and rewarding night in.

Takeaways are so tempting, in part, because they’ve got an extra oomph (salts, fats, and sugars) which gives them an addicting edge

The last classic food takeaway I want to look at is the burger. I recently had a Nandos cheese and pickle chicken burger which I very much enjoyed and I need to learn how to cook it for myself. This is partly because The Guardian used the Nandos fino pitta as an example of a very unhealthy takeaway. I also saw this burger-wrap combo on my Instagram which I’ve been meaning to experiment with – therefore, for me personally, the burger is an important food to learn how to fakeaway. However, I get a kind of ‘ick’ from oven burgers and it’s a nightmare washing up afterwards, so cooking them from mince is a great option. Furthermore, it’s nice to have control over your portion size and sides – I know my Nandos burger didn’t have enough pickles for something called a ‘Chickle burger’.

Takeaways are so tempting, in part, because they’ve got an extra oomph (salts, fats, and sugars) which gives them an addicting edge. They’re also tempting on those days when your not really enthusiastic about cooking and doing the washing up – this especially applies as we near the end of term. However, there is definitely some kind of oomph to home-cooked meal too – it’s rewarding to cook good meals yourself and then add them to your repertoire. To reiterate: I am not condoning drunk cooking and please watch any of the University of Warwick’s fire safety videos as drunk cooking is a big no. So, I’m hoping to see people in Neon with lunchboxes and homemade doner kebabs next time I’m there!