Lessons in everything life and Leam: kebab shop chronicles

Vialli’s is a Warwick student’s rite of passage. It is a place in Leamington Spa which is distinguishable to us all. For first-year students, the trek into Leamington Spa is only complete after congregating outside this iconic institution after a night out for a kebab shop treat of their choice. For students, cheesy chips with garlic mayo never failed to disappoint.

Yet, the water becomes muddy in the second and third years. The split between die-hard Vialli’s fans and other kebab shops is like battle lines being drawn. People are judged based on their allegiances, and sometimes, unbridgeable chasms form in friendships as they argue over where to finish the night.

We were considered regulars, and romance blossomed

Whilst most second and third-years will claim to know the few (respectable) options available, few are so intimately acquainted with them as my house. Only a few houses can claim to have not one, not two, but three phone numbers of the kebab shop workers. How did this occur, you ask? Let me tell you.

Our love affair with Vialli’s continued into the second year. On occasion, we dabbled with cheesy garlic bread and mozzarella sticks from Cravings. We even ventured as far as Sicilia for their infamous pizza once or twice. Yet, we still returned to Vialli’s, unable to find a comparable garlic mayo. Our loyalty was recognised and promptly rewarded. We were considered regulars, and romance blossomed.

‘Mr Eyelashes’ took a fancy to one of my friends. Playful flirting ensued (term one), back-and-forths (term two) and sexual innuendos exchanged (term three). So, on return to Leamington Spa for our third and final year, ‘Mr Eyelashes’ was a pivotal character with whom we couldn’t wait to be reunited. Alas, disaster struck. After our first night out, we returned to Vialli’s, where an unfamiliar face greeted us. Where was ‘Mr Eyelashes’? He was fired. For giving out his number to too many women! We simply could not accept this. Later in the week, we returned, harassing another worker, ‘Mr Newbie’. We pleaded with him for ‘Mr Eyelashes’ number, but ‘Mr Newbie’ claimed ‘Mr Eyelashes’ was married. Still intent on contacting ‘Mr Eyelashes’, we begged for his number, and ‘Mr Newbie’ succumbed to our powers of persuasion. ‘Mr Eyelashes’ number (or so we thought) was ours.

Your relationship with the kebab shop workers of Leamington Spa should be confined to the parameters of the actual shop

However, this was not our first rodeo. So, we gave it a ring, desperate to ensure we had ‘Mr Eyelashes’ number. Yet, it was none other than ‘Mr Newbie’s’ phone that began to chirp. It was a mission failure. However, he has since apologised and promised us a substantial discount. We returned home thinking all hope was lost. Little did we know the sun would shine again. Once again, we were out on the town, minding our own business, when we fortuitously bumped into ‘Mr Eyelashes’. He asked my friend for her number and has asked her on multiple dates. He has even been bold enough to invite himself to ours for cheesy chips – an idea we have all collectively vetoed.

Since then, we have forced ourselves to branch out. Sicilians have become our local, and we are just as graciously rewarded for our loyalty there. Some of the perks available include pictures with the workers, being allowed behind the counter, countless bottles of free Rubicon, and a discount on the lasagna. Unfortunately, we have one of their numbers and have a call scheduled for a night this week.

This week’s key takeaways: Vialli’s has, and always will, reign supreme for the best garlic mayo. The pizza from Sicilian’s is unparalleled, and the lasagne is extremely good. Friendliness is rewarded, and building up a repertoire with people is good. However, this can be taken too far. So, learn from our mistakes. Your relationship with the kebab shop workers of Leamington Spa should be confined to the parameters of the actual shop. Anything else is, well, a bit strange.