Lessons in everything life and Leam: how to handle your alcohol

Can we handle our alcohol? I think the answer is no, but not for the reasons you would imagine. I mean it in the most literal sense of the phrase.

Stories about the drinking culture at university can be funny, shocking, and eye-opening. Most of them check all of these boxes simultaneously. Being part of these moments, which will eventually be immortalised in stories, is part of the university experience. As I’m sure most of you do, we have some funny and not-so-funny events that have defined our last two years at the University of Warwick. Yet, two of our favourite moments related with drinking transpired before any alcohol was even consumed.

It is universally acknowledged that first impressions count. Universities, especially Warwick, seem to be in their own little world. It is easy throughout your time here to compartmentalise your life, with no interaction between your life in Leamington and at home. This is especially easy for international students. However, there comes a time when worlds collide, and you inevitably have to introduce your new friends to your old friends and, even worse – to your family. This dreaded experience for my friends transpired one fateful Saturday evening at Fizzy Moon, where the meeting went far from smoothly.

Whilst it was unlucky to have been busted so dramatically, only bruised egos and bank accounts were hurt.

The night was meticulously planned. First, one of my friend’s new university friends would meet one of our friends and her mum at Fizzy Moon for supper. Then, they would all come and join us at the Royal Pug for drinks. When her mum left us, we would head for Wetherspoons before ending up in Moo Bar. So, with a night of copious drinking ahead of her at nice (for students, at least) establishments, the cost loomed over her. Though, don’t fret. Her monetary worries sparked an idea of initiative and ingenuity. She popped a nifty little bottle of vodka into her bag for later to make the night more student-budget-friendly.

In reality, this didn’t go unnoticed by the bouncers in Fizzy Moon. They not only confiscated the bottle and refused her entry but also banned her for life – and this was just the first stop. So, the mother’s first impression was a disaster. The mother’s initial impression of her daughters’ friends was that they were such raging alcoholics that they felt compelled to smuggle vodka with them wherever they went! Thus, (whilst you might have assumed this went without saying) when you meet a friend’s parents for the first time, try to avoid sneaking something into your bag.

However, I can share one success story with you if you are truly desperate. On this fateful night, it was not one, but two friends who were destined to meet the mother. The other friend also decided to try her hand at smuggling, and where one failed, this one succeeded. The receptacle of choice for her vodka was a hand sanitiser bottle, and this went under the radar, undetected by the bouncers. So, the lesson to be learnt is that it is possible to make your night cheaper and still make a good impression on your friend’s parents. It is simply a matter of working smarter and choosing your alcohol receptacle wisely.

Especially at events you want to attend, the risk of being caught and kicked out doesn’t outweigh the inconvenience of paying an extortionate price for a drink

Moving on from this mixed-bag success story of handling alcohol, we come to our other favourite story. This occurs at a festival notorious for outrageously expensive drinks consumed in large quantities. This fear was combatted in what we once again considered a foolproof method: vodka stored in tied-up kitchen freezer bags and subsequently stuffed under jackets. Upon arrival at the festival, there were feelings of elation. The vodka had been smuggled in past the security guards without detection. The first, and what we assumed would be the only hurdle, has been surpassed. However, the age-old adage of pride coming before a fall rang true on this occasion. Giddy with the mission’s success, we stole away to decant the vodka out of freezer bags, and the only place deemed appropriate to do this was the portable loos. The loos were located directly opposite the entrance to the festival, and apparently, what is deemed normal to teenage girls is considered a security-level threat by event organisers. Unaware of what was about to occur, we squashed and squeezed into a cubicle only to be rudely interrupted moments later.

Bang, bang, bang, went the door. Worried that we were up to something illegal in the loos, they demanded we exit the loos immediately and began to look for any illegal substances. Alas, all they could find was the poorly re-stored vodka! However, in the heat of the moment, someone had hidden their vodka in the waistband of their trousers, desperate for the drink not to be confiscated. Regrettably, the bag had burst, and they had to wander around for the rest of the day, looking like they had had an unfortunate accident. Whilst it was unlucky to have been busted so dramatically, only bruised egos and bank accounts were hurt.

These moments have taught us invaluable lessons while being equally funny and embarrassing. First, subteltly and discretion is not our forte. Whilst we have demonstrated that it is possible to cheat the system and smuggle alcohol in, we wholeheartedly advise against it. It is never worth the stress. Especially at events you want to attend, the risk of being caught and kicked out doesn’t outweigh the inconvenience of paying an extortionate price for a drink.