SCENE 1

(Google Maps is projected onto the cyclorama. Sitting downstage are three clay GNOMES fishing on the pavement. A red front door is upstage centre. ‘Bride to be’ BALLOONS are tied onto the flowers either side of the door. TIM sits on the doorstep dressed in a bright pink, feathered FLAMINGO costume, holding a bottle of wine. JAS enters stage right,  clearly following directions on her phone. She wears jeans and a blouse.) 

 

GOOGLE MAPS: (automated voice) Destination on your left. 

 

JAS: (looking up at the door) Tim, hey!

TIM: You’re early too? You feeling ok?

JAS: Hey, it’s the new me.

TIM: Really?

JAS: ‘Course not, I just finished my shift. No point going home and back. 

 

(TIM shuffles over and JAS sits next to him.)

 

JAS: I swear she lived on the other side of the street.

TIM: (laughing) She did, she moved.

JAS: Wait so her Mum’s still opposite? Lucy keeping her close enough to do the laundry?

TIM: Nah, James does the laundry. It’s Lucy’s Mum that cooks.

JAS: (laughing) Why move out then? Does James mind the in-laws living so close?

TIM: No idea, only met him twice.

JAS: What’s he like?

TIM: Nice enough.

JAS: Nice? From the messages I’ve been getting he’s some kinda superhero. Always doing jobs around the house, shaves everyday, never looks at another woman.

TIM: She said that about Peter too.

 

(JAS snatches TIM’s wine.)

 

JAS: How did you afford this on a student budget?

 

(Tim picks the dead heads off the flowers, leaving a trail of pink feathers on the steps.)

 

TIM: Didn’t know what to get her.

JAS: She doesn’t drink.

TIM: Since when?

JAS: Since James read ‘The Great Gatsby‘. They did some kinda sobriety pact. Drinking is for teens.

TIM: But she’s twenty.

JAS: (rolling her eyes) I know. I played it safe and got her some clay.

TIM: Why?

 

(JAS points at the gnomes.)

 

TIM: Eurgh.

 

(JAS peeps through the letterbox.)

 

JAS: They in?

TIM: Yeah, I’m out in the cold for funsies.

JAS: You’re not fun enough to say “funsies”.

TIM: I’m a social sec’.

JAS: For Jenga society.

 

(TIM laughs. JAS scoops up the fallen feathers and hands them to TIM, who stuffs them in his pink pocket. He takes his keys out, sorting through them to find a corkscrew. He hands it to JAS, who opens the wine and sips.)

 

JAS: (pointing) That’s where I fell off my scooter.

TIM: (taking the wine) You had the pink one with ridiculous tassels, right?

JAS: Hey, don’t attack my tassels.

TIM: (taking a sip) Or what?

 

(JAS takes a balloon and throws it at him. TIM catches it, stands on the top step and propels it into JAS’ face. Laughing, JAS runs to TIM and slaps him with the balloon. TIM wrestles it out of her hand and throws it to the side. It hits a gnome with just enough force to topple them all over with a smash. TIM and JAS freeze.) 

 

JAS: Sod it, we’ll go to her next hen do.

 

(JAS grabs TIM’s hand and drags him off stage left.)

 

THE END.

 

This scene is the first published in a brand new Creative Writing series within the Boar Arts section! If you want the opportunity to  feature in the new creative section of the Boar, you can submit pitches to arts@theboar.org.