Living with a phobia

I have astraphobia. Although, if I am being honest, this strange, scientific word makes it sound a lot scarier than it really is. Astraphobia is an abnormal fear of thunder and lightning. It is often said that phobias develop when a person has an exaggerated or unrealistic sense of danger about a situation or object. But what is it like to live with a phobia?

As the distant cackle of thunder rolls in, the flashes of lighting get brighter and the thunder gets louder, I turn into an entirely different person.

As the storm comes closer, I begin to feel an intense onset of fear and anxiety that I cannot even begin to explain. This is quickly followed by uncontrollable shaking, sweating, panicked reactions and the physical sensation of pain when I see or hear a flash of lightning.

My phobia of thunderstorms began a few years ago, when I was almost – or may have been – hit by lightning during a storm. One night during a particularly strong heat wave, I was woken up by thunder so loud that it deafened my ears and all I could see was a constant, pulsating stream of white light outside. I drew back the curtains to try and close the widely open window and, as I placed my hand outside on the metal handle of the window, I can just remember a blinding light in front of me and a noise that sounded like an explosion right above my head. I felt a shock off of the window and I passed out. I can only assume that I must have received a tiny, minute fraction of the actual bolt as it diverted elsewhere and headed towards the ground. Ever since that night, I have experienced the effects of it.

What my experience has shown me is that there is a genuine lack of understanding about phobias in our society and very few people seem to know what it is like to live with them

Now, it is worth saying that I am extremely lucky that I only have my astraphobia to worry about. Many people struggle with far more serious mental health concerns than mine, and there are more severe conditions within the spectrum of phobias. But what my experience has shown me is that there is a genuine lack of understanding about phobias in our society and very few people seem to know what it is like to live with them.

A phobia is often thought to be, very simply, the feeling of being scared of something: a childish fear that people are yet to grow out of. People commonly assume that a phobia is something that someone can just ‘get over’. But a phobia is unlike any an ordinary fear.

Phobias are, in fact, a very real and sometimes severe mental health concern. In some cases, they can truly affect people’s lives. By very definition, a phobia is something that regularly interferes with your normal day-to-day actions.

When I tell people that I have astraphobia, I often get the same response. They question me. You’re scared of thunder? You know that you’re safe when you’re inside? You know that barely anyone ever gets hit by lightning?

No matter how many times people remind me of this, I, simply and frustratingly, cannot shake away my phobia

I know that the fear is irrational. I know that I am safe indoors. And I know that the odds of getting hit by lightning are one in 700,000.

Yet, no matter how many times people remind me of this, I, simply and frustratingly, cannot shake away my phobia. Like most people with phobias, I am aware of just how minimal the danger of thunderstorms is, but my brain is hardwired to pushback against the facts.

I have always been a pretty logical and calm person, but I can say with absolute confidence that it is the one thing that truly strikes fear into me.

Thankfully, due to the lack of anything tropical in the United Kingdom, thunderstorms are a pretty rare occurrence, so it scarcely affects my day to day life.

However, I regularly visit Florida over summer, and there, thunderstorms occur practically every day. I quickly found myself having cancelling plans and organising my whereabouts around them. The one time it caught me out, I experienced my life’s only panic attack. I spent my time worrying, checking the forecast and every time the sky blackened, I had to go home. I discovered the extent to which phobias can truly affect your life.

Some people have to turn down a trip to the place they’ve dreamed of visiting because of their aerophobia, or fear of flying. Someone else might have to miss their best friend’s wedding because of their agoraphobia, or fear of crowds. Other people can’t lock their bathroom door because of their claustrophobia, or fear of closed spaces.

For people who have it worse than I do, phobias can be extremely isolating and are often the precursor to other issues

For people who have it worse than I do, phobias can be extremely isolating and are often the precursor to other issues. Not only is the person left feeling physically and mentally alone, but they have the time to get stuck in their own heads, only to find themselves wondering why they can’t be like everyone else.

Phobias should not be equated just to having a fear. There needs to be more awareness surrounding phobias and the issues that they pose to people with them.

Recently, British Airways announced they would be testing virtual reality headsets in an attempt to help immerse those with aerophobia in a more comfortable setting while they are on a flight. But more changes need to be put into place. There should be more avenues to talk about phobias and there should be a better support network in place so that people feel able to attempt to conquer their phobias.

I may be an astraphobic, but what dark clouds in the sky have taught me is just how misunderstood these quirks in the human mind really are

There are a number of therapies available, but what must come first is a change to people’s perception of phobias, and a challenge to the stigmas surrounding them.

I may be an astraphobic, but what dark clouds in the sky have taught me is just how misunderstood these quirks in the human mind really are.

If you find yourself or someone you know to be impacted by the issues discussed in this article, further support and information is available. The NHS, and your doctor, can offer advice and support that is specific to your individual circumstances.

The charity Anxiety UK offers support, resources and services to those suffering with phobias and anxiety disorders. They also run a Text Service (07537 416 905) and Infoline (03444 775 774) operated by a team of volunteers and staff who can give you practical advice and information. 

For students at the University of Warwick, the Wellbeing Support Services are able to provide practical advice, resources and support for your wellbeing and give you help in accessing external services.