Leaving the kingdom of the Koan: the good, the bad and the necessary

I came to Warwick as a nervous introvert with little social grace and within two weeks of starting term, I had cried to a flatmate because I reckoned I wouldn’t be able to reinvent myself at university. To me, that’s what it was all about, becoming someone new and showing the world what you’re capable and experiencing the best years of your life. I definitely let the hype of university get to me when I started here, and while this retrospective of three years in the bubble isn’t going to be about how the hype is a lie, I will say this: no matter what stage of university you’re at – if you’re worried that you haven’t become the person you believe you want to be, or if you’ve not had the greatest years of your life – then please don’t worry, it’s ok.

There is no rule that says university has to be the best times you ever have. There is no limit on how many good days you can experience. There is no pro-league in life. Live the good, the bad, the necessary, all of it is your university experience. Sometimes that means growth and helping others around you become the best versions of themselves.

University was where it became clear that it was okay to like different things, to be passionate, outspoken, weird and happy

I was lucky to have a degree course which didn’t crush me, friends who stuck by me and societies which let me express the strange human being I am. But sometimes, living university means the opposite. My Dad gave me one piece of advice before I left for university:

“Don’t be a dick.”

Saying I followed that rule to a fault would be a lie. But accepting my mistakes and aiming not to repeat the worst aspects is part of looking back and holding myself to better. I have regrets, many embarrassing memories I would quite gladly not be reminded of, or put in print for myself to look back on in 10 years’ time. But they are not the defining aspect of my time here at Warwick, or hopefully anyone’s time when they are at Warwick. They are, as Walt Whitman put it: the days that must happen to you.

Leaving Warwick is a strange experience for me, I know it’s time to go but also will miss the Kingdom of the Koan. Leaving school was a moment of rejoicing, I was free of a place I still have complicated feelings about. When I finally came to university, after months of waiting to escape one form of education, some parts of it lived up to expectations. University was where it became clear that it was okay to like different things, to be passionate, outspoken, weird and happy.

Branch out, join a society, because everyone’s passion under the sun has SU approval

Granted I was terrified through most of my first year and didn’t know what to do or how-to people most of the time. It involved as lot of awkward conversation starters,far too many times trying too hard. I had to readjust to plans changing last minute, and accepting the joy of impromptu decisions. Warwick is a good place for meeting people. Branch out, join a society, because everyone’s passion under the sun has SU approval. However, it’s also daunting and feeling lonely even when surrounded by a crowd of thousands was often a reality for me and so many others.

There have definitely been stumbles, a couple of falls and an incident with a fake katana which I shall probably be reminded of for years. But it’s made me who I am now and hopefully that person’s kinder, wiser and a bit more forgiving than the nervous wreck who first arrived on campus in 2015. By no means was university the best thing of all the time and I definitely want to move away from parts of it as soon as possible. Particularly, the allure of POP! hasn’t really been a thing for me and working there for two years, despite the wonderful people that I was able to meet, I am looking forward to enjoying my Wednesdays.

One thing that hasn’t changed is my overdramatic nature towards endings – hence why I wrote this.

If you’re packing up for new pastures – remember the good, those who mattered and the bad memories may, with time, become the moments you laugh about the most. University isn’t the endgame. It’s just another stepping stone.

To conclude, thank you to everyone who got me he