Dissertation regret

The Dissertation.

 It didn’t seem so bad when you first signed up for it. It’s just like two long-essays stuck together, how hard can it be, right? Wrong.

It has been a hassle from start to finish.

You think you are doing a satisfactory job by reminding your future self to ‘look this up’ or helpfully insisting that the ‘this is a bad thing’

Firstly, you have no idea where to even start. You wish you had made more friends in your course from the year above who could offer you words of wisdom. With it being too late to slide into anyone’s DMs now. So, you’re on your own.

Instead of tackling it head on, you decide to focus on making dissertation progress timelines, buying ‘how to’ books and repeatedly making sure that when the time to start does come, you will be full prepared. This includes buying all new sets of highlighters and sticky notes, just in case.

Having left it for as long as humanly possible before running the risk of jeopardizing your entire degree, you decide it is probably time to make some notes. You think you are doing a satisfactory job by reminding your future self to ‘look this up’ or helpfully insisting that the ‘this is a bad thing’.

You spend so little time working on your dissertation, that you have much more time to contemplate the situation

It is this poor note taking, coupled with the increasing time pressure that ultimately provokes the existential crisis that, on average, occurs mid-way through the writing stage. You have been “working” on it for months now; the deadline is just a few weeks away; your tutor hasn’t replied to you in days and you can no longer bring yourself to open the Word document again. All you can think to yourself, “It’s just not going to happen.”

You spend so little time working on your dissertation, that you have much more time to contemplate the situation. Maybe you aren’t as good at your subject as you thought? Maybe you haven’t done enough reading? You definitely have nothing new to add to the academic world. Why are they even asking me to do this?

You reach the point where you no longer bother to even go to the library anymore, it seems so far away and you can’t afford the coffee anyway. When people first asked what your dissertation was on you would excitedly try to explain the whole premise from start to finish. Now when they ask, you shrug evasively and mutter a couple of words that you think you included in the title of your latest draft. At this point I have no idea what my dissertation is on, please don’t ask me.

The only thing to get you through is thinking about getting it crisply printed and posing next to the Koan for the gram. You and me both

 Is it too late to turn back? Unfortunately, yes. 

The last few weeks of the process are the worst. You have no choice but to get it done because no matter how many times you check, the deadline on tabula isn’t changing. It’s time for a different approach now because things are getting serious. Rather than reading it all through again, you just work on the worst bits in isolation. You are pretty sure that it will all still flow, plus you’re being most economical with your time so its a good plan really.

This process seems to last forever after you realise that in fact, labelling “the worst bits” can actually be applied to 80% of what is on the screen. With the scale of the problem becoming apparent, the only thing to get you through is thinking about getting it crisply printed and posing next to the Koan for the gram. You and me both.