Relationships under the microscope

In today’s society, it can seem as though nothing is given more importance than finding ‘the one’. It can feel like the world has your love life under a microscope. The problem with dating today isn’t ‘tinder culture’, it isn’t that millennials are scared of commitment. The real issue is that society cares too much about what other people are (or are not) doing with other people.

This thought occurred to me on Valentine’s Day, of all days. On Facebook, loved-up couples in their droves declared their love for each other. Photos of flower bouquets, Pandora bracelets and candlelit dinners – it is unescapable. It begs the question: who are we doing this for? If you are as hopelessly in love with your partner as you claim you are, then surely no one else needs to know it?

Having been in a relationship for nearly two years, it has astonished me how much people care about my love life.

People generally love to question why aspects of your life don’t fit with the general mould. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, the questioning comes from those who love you most. I guarantee that there are few fortunate enough to have dodged the dreaded ‘have you got a boyfriend/girlfriend?’ question during Christmas dinner. They mean no harm, and are probably just genuinely inquisitive, but it’s intrusive nonetheless.

It’s not just singletons who are exposed to this kind of scrutiny. Having been in a relationship for nearly two years, it has astonished me how much people care about my love life. My parents have always been pretty chill about my life choices, so I guess I’m lucky to have escaped any inquisition from them. Yet I have definitely faced a great deal of interest from complete strangers. From the checkout staff at Sainsbury’s, to the nice elderly ladies on the bus, everyone wants to know how long we’ve been together, or whether I can ‘hear wedding bells’.

It is hard to enjoy what is happening in the now, when people are always asking questions about moving forward.

To those who ask questions, it’s just a bit of idle gossip. But for the person on the receiving end, it can be quite damaging. Being constantly asked if you have a significant other can really affect your confidence. Although I was perfectly happy being single at the beginning of university, I let other people’s opinions get to me, and I definitely felt that sometimes I was missing out.

Equally, the scrutiny you feel when in a relationship can damage how you perceive yourself and your partner. With people constantly asking when you’re moving in together, or if you want to have children, it is easy to find yourself worrying about whether your relationship is moving too fast, or indeed not fast enough. It is hard to enjoy what is happening in the now, when people are always asking questions about moving forward.

Wouldn’t it just be all-round grand if we just let people live? The awkward intricacies of dating and relationships are hard enough without having people constantly scrutinising us. For those who feel the need to prove their love on social media, by all means feel free. But really, think about who you’re doing it for. If it’s for you and your loved one, then great. But I’m pretty sure it’s compensation for a rather large dose of social pressure, and a need to highlight that your relationship fits within the confounds society expects of us.