Celebrity Big Brother: Literary Edition

Once again, Celebrity Big Brother graces our screens. It is known for its big characters, fiery romances and explosive feuds, but what would happen if some of our favourite literary figures were included in the line-up?

The Twits

Hideously vindictive and comically cruel, the Twits would relish stirring up controversy in the Big Brother house. Driven by a passionate hatred for one another and a love of practical jokes, the infamous couple are perfect for reality television. Can you imagine if the pair, in a watershed act, joined forces against their housemates? I personally would never tire of watching members of the show writhe and scream in disgust as Mrs. Twit’s glass eye stared up at them, swimming in their morning coffee. Or perhaps Mr. Twit could reuse the frog he so vengefully placed by his wife’s pillow?

Jo March

Marking the centenary of women gaining the vote, in 2018, Big Brother launched its Year of the Woman. Rather than focusing solely on humiliating its contestants, the show promised to explore female empowerment. Whilst it’s hardly a feminist revolution, it’s a nice change to see the entertainment industry exploring the complexity of female relationships, at least as far as a reality show is able to.  No literary character understands this better than the March sisters of Little Women. Jo, in particular, is passionately independent. Determined to succeed in her writing, rebelling against archetypal gender roles, she embodies female empowerment. Unwilling to subdue her strong-willed nature, she is no stranger to controversy. I would personally tune in especially to see a fiery argument between Jo March and Ann Widdecombe. Who wouldn’t?

Daisy Buchanan

Viewers of Big Brother love steamy romances and rumoured affairs. The beautiful and charming Daisy Buchanan, Gatsby’s lover, would be faced with a host of suitors. Obsessed with attention and luxury, she’d delight in the fame and wealth brought by Big Brother. She is fickle, desirable and, enslaved in a turbulent marriage, all too willing to engage in a passionate affair. Who knows what she could get up to, trapped inside the Big Brother house for a month? The gossip magazines would be instantly infatuated.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

Big Brother is reliant on huge characters to create entertainment and controversy, so Dr Jekyll, and with him his demonic alter-ego, Mr Hyde, would be a perfect choice. Under the feverish green hue of the night cameras, we could watch the gentlemanly Jekyll mysteriously transform into the violent and remorseless Hyde. It would be fascinating (and rather funny) to watch the disturbance on the contestants’ faces as they awoke to wreckage, seemingly infiltrated by rabid animals. And, of course, Jekyll would disappear randomly, without even a stuttering explanation. Big Brother was initially, above all else, a social experiment and nothing could be more experimental than throwing a metamorphosing man into the mix. It would, however, be exceptionally difficult to store a month’s supply of Jekyll’s transformation serums!

The Queen of Hearts

Famously stating, “Off with their heads!”, I would be a little concerned for the welfare of her fellow contestants, but the evictions have been a key part of Big Brother since the very beginning, and who better to nominate people than the infamous dictator herself? Bluntness and decisiveness are two of the Queen of Heart’s ‘charms’. Maybe she would force all the contestants to play her bizarre game of croquet, using live hedgehogs and flamingos. Or, God forbid, white roses should be on display at any given point – they’d all wind up with red paint and a brush in hand.

Mr Darcy

Mr Darcy embodies traits considered worthy of ‘modern celebrities’: rich, arrogant and stunningly handsome. Darcy would struggle bitterly being around people all the time (unless your name is Elizabeth Bennett), keeping himself to himself. His snarky and demeaning comments would make watching Big Brother completely worth it. Somehow though, as when we read Pride and Prejudice, we would all warm to his mystery and kindness (hidden beneath layers and layers of aloofness). Or maybe he would simply provoke an angry Twitter debate about the selfishness of the upper classes. Either way, he and all his contrasting new housemates would make for fantastic television.