Bereavement at university

Whilst I didn’t know what to expect from many aspects of university, I didn’t envisage being at home in my final week of first year, grieving and planning my dad’s funeral.

I was expecting to go home right at the end of term three, not at the end of week nine following the unexpected news of my dad’s heart attack via a phone call from my grandad on my mum’s phone.

I was quite lucky that I had summer to be at home, away from university deadlines, reading, and all the stress. But, on my return in September, I thought I had to be 100% okay.

It was fine at first, but pretending to everyone that I was okay got very tiring. By the third week, I was shutting myself in my room, avoiding lectures, seminars, flatmates and any general interaction where people might enquire about my wellbeing.  

I was advised to have something else to focus on and trampolining was my outlet…

Around week 7, I went home for the weekend and I wasn’t convinced that I was going to come back. I was exhausted, and I hadn’t even done anything except sit in my room all term.

Having a support network after suffering a bereavement is the most important thing. My friends weren’t expecting me to be okay at this stage, and they were there if I wanted to talk to them.

I still struggled to make it to my contact hours because I found it hard too concentrate…

I had joined the Trampoline Club at the beginning of the year, but through everything that was going on, I hadn’t made it to any sessions. I was advised to have something else to focus on and trampolining was my outlet. It helped massively to be around people that didn’t know what had happened, so I could focus my energies elsewhere. I threw myself into the club, attending competitions, socials and every single session.

I still struggled to make it to my contact hours because I found it hard to concentrate. In hindsight, I should have told my tutors what was going on but shutting myself away was far more attractive at the time.  

If you know a friend that has lost someone, make sure you let them know that you’re there…

One thing that has also really helped me in the last year and a half is taking part in charity events run by the British Heart Foundation. Last March, I ran 5k, after not having run a long distance in five years, around the Olympic Park. I raised £670 for the cause, leaving me feeling a sense of accomplishment. It felt as though my grief had allowed me to achieve something that I never would have before. I thought my achievement could make a difference to other people and maybe stop someone else going through the same thing I did.

What the run also gave me was a renewed hatred of running. I wanted to do something else for the charity so I’ve decided to walk from Glasgow to the Falkirk Wheel in July to raise even more money.

It felt as though my grief had allowed me to achieve something that I never would have before…

On Wednesday of Week 7 this term, Warwick are running a workshop called ‘Coping with Bereavement’, aiming to make individuals feel less alone in their loss by helping them meet others in a similar situation. Speaking about your experience in a confidential, closed environment with other people who know what you’re going through can be really helpful. It is important to remember that you are not alone. There will be someone that understands what you’re going through.

If you know a friend that has lost someone, make sure you let them know that you’re there. Just being available and listening is a huge help. You don’t have to mention the loss. My friend sent me a card over the summer after my dad died and it made my day.

Bereavement is one of the toughest experiences anyone could go through but with the right people and the right support it’ll get easier.